i am the L word

i love watching films and shows but i never rlly got around the idea of watching a series thats more than 4 seasons. until i got so much time on my hands after i graduated and got 6 months. i picked up sewing as a hobby and went back to playing overwatch competitively w my friends. then a thought came to me "hmm wat shows were on starworld" boom i watched house (has 8 seasons) and then the motherlode - law and order special victims unit. idk wat made me interested in it but it should probably be from tiktok or twt (im not calling it x).

it was newly added on netflix and it was a weekend at home. well i was a gap year and just wanted to check it out cuz ik its been a long run esp since the late 90s like damnnnnn. ok so after watching 7-11 seasons i watched the rest in chronological order w out watching 7-11 cuz duh naalala ko pa (trans: i still remember). i only manage to watch all 25, inshallah 26th coming, cuz i watch while sewing. including the process of drafting/printing, cutting fabric, IRONING ugh. the most i can do that in a day is 10 hours then ill still watch while eat lunch and while pre nap.

i had this horny thought cuz earlier today i saw one of the wlw-queer clubs in my near area. they had a glee-hsm night but it was too far where the venue was. anyway i saw on their ig story that if u wanna make friends u can always smoke w the others outside too. then i thought of a way of making moves on a girl who smokes. theres a lot of late teens and young adults who smoke, can smoke or knows how to smoke and it intimidates me because ik hot ppl r smokers but i think im more of a drinker. nevertheless i should prepare myself for a shit ton of scenarios. 

ill approach her and ask her smtg, idk i havent figured that out but she should turn her head to me or look at me. my heart would start getting louder. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA THENNNNN ill lean in a bit and ask her if its alright, yknow yknow asking permission and then kiss.

mind u i got feelings from the thought of that and just watched Alien Romulus. it was 3pm in a mall fucking food court.

lonely girl in a big city, friends are far but everything online is near. i had a twt oomf who rlly liked the L word and gave it a try and YALL THE FUCKING PILOT IS LIKE WATCHING ME AND M EX WHEN WE FIRST STARTED FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

are most lesbian and sapphic connections like this?

how long will this be in my head until i feel it on my hands? i miss the touch of a woman so intimate and sacred it was our tongues. ive had lovers before all so different but this transition from highschool love crush to a bigger dating scene in college or wherever ill connect is just scary and unreal.

its still odd to me but 6-7 yrs ago i was compulsory bisexual. idk if thats a real word cuz ik was interested w girls but not sure w guys much cuz the boys in my class batch were UGLYYYYYYY. i did like this one guy in my class. we chatted over winter break and when classes resume we were together.

it was ok but it didnt give me the same kilig when it was getting longer. so after breaking it off w him, summer came and i was in europe. summer crushes r real and it was the worst. she was older than me, better than me in debating, she previously won 1st place in debating like 2 yrs ago that time and taller. i think that kazak woman knew but i tried acting cool fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.

i never told her i love her but the endless compliments were present.

a year later i found myself in a discord group for lesbians as i came into realization i am one. one of them suggested to make an ig gc cuz it was more popular esp w us girlies lol. i blurted out in that gc omg i need a gf and someone said said me too, wanna date?

i like to think of her as my first gf. ive never knew that online dating/edating with ldr was real and it felt weird. how do military folks even feel love when battling their surroundings and themselves for the love far away?? wed stare at each other in skype and do small talk. but i think we chatted more often than skyped each other. we both saw no benefit from this relationship as winter was coming to an end and msged each other. there r 24 hours in a day but the time we confessed and wish to break off our relationship was at the same hour, same minute, same second. she was 5 hours ahead of me and i think it was good fate we met and connected.

theres one more person but i think ive written a lot abt them before. i watched a Filipino movie called Un/Happy for You and i saw myself as Zy. Not cuz im a femme but because the conflict of their relationship when they struggling tgtr was a flash before my eyes. my x was already here in the ph and i was still in bah but i rlly hated how all he could say when chatting was i want u to be here with me now. all he does is whine abt that and i cant do shit. thats y i ended things w him on top of that i dont think we have interests that overlap, sorry kamala but the intersection on ur venn diagram is empty.

the sex was good tho let me tell yall that and i might desperately need it again.