Another update post, a lil' good, a lil' bad. (hateful rambling alert)

Hey y'all, Sonic here once again. I know that like, stuff's looking really messed up right now, but trust me when I say that things actually might be getting better.

This is an unserious post, just something I'm writing down to make y'all feel better and to keep y'all updated on what I'm gonna do or what I'm feeling and thinking.

Now, the depression era might be over. I don't feel sad and hopeless all the time, so that's good. But my lack of self-confidence still hasn't been fixed. That's kind of why like I might not put out as many releases or have the passion to work on Sonic4 Test Records as much as I used to before.

It's like, I don't know man. How can I say it? A lot of bad experiences that got to me over time. Like, ever since this project started, I always faced some difficulties and I've ALWAYS faced some kind of fighting, drama, just, whatever demotivating thing you can think of.

I'm gonna announce it right here because I've been always straight-forward with y'all.

I hate The Caretaker, I hate V/Vm, I hate their communities, and especially the fan communities.

That might sound hypocritical, but I really do mean when I say this. I'm not in any communities other than my own for a reason. 'Cause when I'm in a community, I either get ignored, or if I'm not getting ignored, I'm getting scolded. That's why I don't self-promote my albums anymore. 

Making music for your own sake is definitely greater than making music for attention. Because you won't be getting any attention when you got 10000 other people also doing the same thing.

Building your own community and growing by yourself is way better than being a part of an already miserable community full of... Retards. And toxic people. 

From now on, I'll consider myself a true outsider. I've said it here and there, but I'll say it so everyone can hear it:

I hate all fan projects and fan project creators. I don't care how much passion you put into your work, I don't care how skilled you think you are, it's pointless and you're doing it wrong.

If you know what you're doing like some plunderphonics artists out there, I got nothing to say. Keep on going brother. But if you got Audacity 2 seconds ago and think you can make something as great and impressive as Everywhere at the end, you're wrong. Start from the bottom and make it to the top. Don't start at the top and keep remastering the same old album 1000 times until it's irrelevant.

Infact, why not try experimenting more? Why not try getting an identity of your own? Why not try something that isn't slowed and reverbed for once? If you separate yourself from these fuckers, you won't have to deal with a god forsaken community of dumbasses. Go do your own thing, brother.

I don't wanna rant about this 'cause I've already dropped a huge rant in my Discord server before. Those who know, know.

That being said, I'm gonna move on to the second part of this rant. 

It's about V/Vm also being a hypocrite. Fighting years for total musical freedom and "fuck copyright" mentality and then not standing his ground when it comes to even re-uploading his old, UNAVAILABLE work. This story is about V/Vm 365, apparently someone (who I won't name here but I know who it is) tried posting it on YouTube but was asked by Leyland himself to delete it, with the reason being that he was gonna upload it high quality by himself. Did he ever do it? No.

Why this pisses me off is that, what is this, Nintendo? People should be able to share and download someone else's unavailable work. A lot of Vaporwave artists already have unofficial archives.

Why this pisses me off is that one evening, we got bored and made a bunch of unrelated Bandcamps with ASDF, and one of them was for Leon & Hits. I shared it in the V/Vm server 'cause I thought people would'a liked a small compilation of 5 extended songs. Instead, I got shitted on because apparently I'm gonna get killed just because I've posted British Beef or something.

It's not even the Leon & Hits EP that's the problem for me, I don't care about that. It was just some throwaway thing. What bothered me is that, why do they care so much about something this old? If Leyland woke up today and got angry that someone made a fan-made compilation of his Leon & Hits tracks, I'm gonna give you 100 dollars as a bet. Unfortunately, that's something that'll never happen.

I'm so sick of all this. Fuck all of y'all, I'll post whatever I wanna post and make whatever I wanna make. 

And now, the third part, which brings us back here, to Sonic4 Test Records. This part doesn't really have a theme or topic, but I'm gonna get some of my thoughts out there. Now that all those fuckers out the way, I can freely talk about the main point of this blog post.

I guess... Recently, it's an undeniable fact that I've lost the passion and interest in Sonic4 Test Records. Though, I should say that a lot of stuff are being blown out of proportion. I've played back some records and there are a lot of good that is underappreciated (both in my eyes and other's eyes), and there are some bad that are too hated (just in my eyes, I guess).

This project man... I don't know what to think of it. It's too good to waste, I really hope that I regain my passion for it. It's supposed to be a fun place, but for all this time it barely had any fun. I do have a motive to keep this project going through. It's because I know, that if I just keep on going, I will eventually get that W. I'll eventually make it somewhere, and even if I don't, I'll have fun. I'll make friends and memories, and I'll make a big discography I can look back upon.

And I still have hope in me. Because no matter how bad the downfall was, I made it out from it. Like come on, this is nothing compared to the very thing that started my career. 8th grade. 

All that aside though, I'm gonna be waiting it out 'till things get better. I'll take it slow, and I'll probably not work on stuff. But when I do feel like working on stuff again, I hope I'll do a good job.

I guess that's kinda all I got to say. As a short recap, it would be:

"I'm feeling better mentally, but musically I'm not."

Thanks for reading y'all, if anyone even read this far.