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hello all it is friday, aug. 16, 5:48 PM
whats worse: being fooled by a false light at the end of the tunnel, or knowing it’s false but still chasing after it? at this point i can’t really differentiate the two. it’s like i already know but i just trick myself into hopeful sweet nothings. i think this is a one plus one equals two type of deal though. i feel like a lot of the internal conflicts i have are like, i don’t know, pretty clear-cut when it comes to finding the answer. but it’s just impossible for me to manage emotionally. there’s time where we think rationally, and times where we think emotionally. if by placing rational and emotion against each other, im unintentionally implying that emotion is irrational so i think ill just change it to rational v irrational. because emotion will always be involved(anger, justice, lust, depravity.. etc.), its just a matter of how much it will hinder or support rational thought. i guess you can see it as the object, thing, decision, conflict, what have you being the car, and whatever emotion you have being the fuel. if youre having a lovers quarrel (let’s call this a honda civic), and you reply with anger (put diesel in it), it would only be natural that the cars engine will stop running depending on its patience. this whole thing feels like a glob, i think what im basically trying to get at is if you used unwarranted emotions for a conflict it will get in the way of effective decision making. now that ive figured that out (literally 1+1=2, i know) how do i know what emotion is and isn’t correct? i seriously might just need therapy for emotion management….i feel like a baby being told to put gas in the car by their mom and be expected to know what type of gas it needs without ever being taught.
im gnna get some coke my mouth is really dry [6:18 PM]
‘I was so scared of being hurt that I'd done nothing. I was so scared of failing, of being hurt, that I choose nothing. I did nothing.’
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Kris
I completely understand dude. I do not want to be a slave to my own emotions, but it's so difficult sometimes. I fall into that trap of sometimes thinking rational and emotional are opposites, when it definitely isn't. Again, more like what you said: rational v irrational, and emotions can be part of either side.
I can't emphasise how much I know how u feel, with being aware about your internal conflicts. Like I'll view my problem, see that "clear cut" situation and clear cut solutions, but because of my erratic emotions, I will still sometimes choose the "wrong" way to act. We should remember though that the emotions are not wrong, how we act on them is what we need to fix.
maybe we subconsciously believe that we don’t deserve choosing the right choice… that’s what i feel it is for me at least. like i think of myself so low that the choice that leads to self destruction the quickest is the only option. it’s also easier to coast and cling onto something that will lull my conflicting morals even if it’s for a short while. it’s kind of silly how we can know or have an attitude towards something but still act opposite of it.
anyways it’s nice knowing you could relate. the ability to choose and have free will is cool and all but it’s paralyzing . what even is ‘right’ anyway amirite? to hellwith it -_-
by mika; ; Report