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Full content warning for this blog post. I talk about sexual abuse and general grooming red flags. There are mentions of incest, CSA fetishization, and sexualization of minors.
Sorry if my words don't flow well. It's a little late for me.
I work with kids often, and I've noticed that kids that are 10 and older will act in somewhat sexualized ways. Cropping shirts and saying "I'm a sexy girl", phrases like "Daddy" with moaning, and other things like that. For me, this would normally be a clear-cut sign of grooming, but the internet is also so sexualized that they could've just learned it from TikTok or YouTube.
This feeling is really common for me as a grooming survivor of the 2020s lockdown era. I see my younger self in these kids, but it's so hard to tell if they're going through the same thing. The line gets blurred a lot between a kid who's being groomed and a kid who has unrestricted internet access.
I don't know if any of the kids I've worked with have been groomed, let alone sexually abused. There'll be no way for me to tell. I guess this is me passing on what I wish I could've told them in case that were actually happening. And just some things I want to tell younger kids in general.
Here's some things that adults shouldn't be doing with you. Some may feel obvious, but when you're being groomed, that's no longer the case.
- Making frequent sexual jokes, especially with you as the subject. This is a tactic my groomer used to ease me in to his sexualization of me and others. He'd make reference to sexual objects and suggestive scenarios very often.
- Saying you're "mature" for your age, or that you're special among your age group.
- Allowing you in spaces that are explicitly 18+, whether it be a website, server, or even a physical space.
- Encouraging you to write, read, draw, roleplay, or discuss 18+ scenarios, especially involving incest, assault, or underage characters.
- Sending you or talking about 18+ media like erotic visual novels and extreme fetish content.
- Asking or requesting you to draw suggestive things. This was extremely common in a community I was in. Several people, ranging from 17 to their early 20s, asked me to draw muscular, attractive characters shirtless when I was 13. They could've drawn it themselves or asked someone their age.
- Talking about fetishes or kinks in detail with you, like telling you the specific terminology related to one.
- Try to get fetish content of any sort out of you (fetish mining). If the fetish exists, there's a space for it to be acquired consensually and without a minor being involved. There's never an excuse.
- Generally disregard your consent. Whether it's touching, telling other people personal things, or crossing your other boundaries, they should know to stay in their lane.
- Talking about incest-related fetishes, "lolicon"/"shotacon", or similar things with you. There is no excuse to talk positively about this with a minor, ever.
- Ask invasive questions about your body, especially if you are intersex or transgender. They are not entitled to know anything and shouldn't be asking you in the first place.
Some things I highly recommend against doing as a minor.
- Having public social media if you have your real name or face attached to it. Make it private and only accept follow requests from people you trust.
- In this day and age, I'd recommend against selfies with your uncensored face. There are plenty of easy-access AI tools that can be used to exploit an image you posted.
- Posting about your fetishes on public forums, servers, or accounts. That can leave predators an easy access point to approach and groom you with. Try to keep it in DMs with people your age who consent to talking about it.
- Trying to access 18+ content. I get it, a lot of people do discover something about themselves sexually in their teens. But when people ask for minors not to look at their content, it's for a good reason.
- Act inappropriately or sexually at camps, school, or other events. It's seriously concerning and it can be hard to tell if there's something actually wrong or if it's just your humor.
And some general advice I have for younger people.
- If you're being abused, please tell someone. It stops future victims from getting hurt and it stops you from getting hurt. It's terrifying to come forward about what happens at home or behind closed doors, but it's worth it in the end.
- And if you're in a situation where you can't tell someone, please know that I'm rooting for you. Your friends will be there for you when it's hard.
- The abuse you went through will never be your fault. It doesn't matter what you were doing, wearing, or how you felt about them. Your abuser decided to hurt you and that's their fault.
- You can grow as a person. If you do something wrong, you can make up for it and learn. Things may not go back to how they were before, but you can go forward as a better person.
That's all I've got for now. Stay safe, all of you. I hope your days are good.
Comments
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FauxPas
this is so so so important!! thank you so much for putting this together
angry bosnian dude
Is it possible to boost this somehow?!
i'd say it's best to talk about these things in general. CSA, grooming, and online safety need to be talked about on all levels, especially in the time of AI data-scraping. talk about the warning signs! talk about recovery and safety! it could really help someone in the long run.
by Luv/Aqua; ; Report
KNIVES
This is SUPER important and I hope it ends up on popular posts instead of getting buried in the sea of new blogs on this site.