spirituality & wealthy cousins

hello all, it is aug 15. 8:53 AM

 this is in the backyard of where im staying at until we go to japan. the people who lent us a place to stay is is across the road, and they’re stupid rich… they own 3 mansions and it’s all closed off from the province. when you enter it you forget that everyone else is poor in this street. they own a construction business… why build it here though? to flaunt? or is it because it’s cheaper here. or maybe they just liked the area because its where they grew up. maybe it’s all of the above. the owners are old, but they’re super sweet. the lady is a first cousin to my lola. i went over to a birthday party  they were throwing yesterday for their daughter that was turning 44, but she was in the states so she wasn’t there. when i was there, i saw all of their children, their s/os, and their children… they all wore expensive clothes… smiling and laughing without a care in the world…. wow to be rich… the babies don’t know how good they’ve got it. its all perspective though. you could always be richer/poorer. THEY ARE SUPER SWEET THOUGH. they invited us out to eat at expensive places like 3 times the food was good but i didnt eat much… sayang am i right? i think their wealthy presence just made me not have that much appetite xd

anywho, this picture is kind of crazy right? the penis on the right is an ashtray…never seen anything like it. doesn’t the buddha being placed in between the 2 wooden wheels kind of make it look like a micro penis with huge balls LOL. maybe that was intentional. and there’s a tinier buddha at the buddhas genital area maybe that represent life and sperm. if you think about it sex is perpetual sex. you have sex, then the sperm and egg have sex, then what’s inside the sperm and egg has sex, etc… when i was looking at the buddha it reminded me of me 4 years ago when i was on like, a 2 month spiritual journey phase. i did shrooms and meditated  30 minutes a day and attempted to read the tibetan book of the dead but it was just a bunch of mantras i couldn’t remember. looking back at it i was kind of stupid. i wasn’t even close to the path of enlightenment. i literally only think i did that just so i could tell my other friends i was on a higher wavelength than them or some shit. i was just stroking my own ego telling them how happy i was and how i wasn’t attached to anything in dis dunya! then id just strengthen that sense of accomplishment by feeling like im blessing them by telling them my secret techniques to achieve this nonexistent fake peaceful state. LIKE I WAS DOING THEM SOME SORT OF FAVOR. i ironic considering the whole point of it was to not have an ego xD , but it was all ego driven. god i hate looking back on it like who did i think i was???

im not knocking on religions or anything, i do think some people actually reach a genuine state of some form of enlightenment through religion, but i think there’s very few people that actually do. and WAY too many people that claim to have. i was at a lake house a few days ago and i made friends with a cousin i never knew about, he’s 13. he talked about how the bible changed his life, yet he would lie about things like his rank in a game, how rich his friends were… or just any topic i’d bring up he’d always know a guy that was a god at it. i knew he was lying when he told me he was immortal and i asked him who he played and he said he forgot the characters name and just said he was a sniper main. he is a good kid though, i used to chronically lie like that so i get it, but i wonder if he actually did read the entire bible. and did he actually change from reading it? maybe he was doing it just to stroke his own ego because he’d comment on how he was way more mature than his other friends.. history repeats itself i suppose @_@.. again!! no shade to him though. he’s just a kid. 

well that is it for now, i have to go to my lolas moms graveyard.. i have some memory of being on her lap when i was 2.[9:30 AM]

salutations ; my departing gift , a quote from the book heaven AGAIN!!

“I knew that it was cruel to be so optimistic, but, in my solitude, I couldn't resist the urge and spent entire days basking in idiotic fantasies, sometimes verging on prayer.”

GOOD DAY.