A Diary

This account is now my diary. 

You know how I said it was over for good? And how I mentioned earlier that we have done that before, called it quits, then came back? It's happened again. I'm not surprised.

A bit of a twist though. He still wants no romantic relationship with me. 

I don't even know why I texted him, why I unblocked him and kept that door in my life open for him. I missed him, and I asked our mutual friend, jokingly, if I should message him, if I should unblock him. He said "sure" and elaborated that he (ex) felt bad about what he did. 

I wish I didn't message him though. I really don't think I can be friends. It hurts too much. And it's going to hurt even more when he starts showing interest in someone else. He expects so much from me. He doesn't even realize that I treated him differently than I do my friends, because I liked him. I can't handle being in contact with him, but I can't handle the thought of him never being in my life. 

He remains selfish too. I know it. He's going to want things from me that I can't give him because that isn't our relationship anymore. But also the thought that he wouldn't care either, that he doesn't want those things from me anymore, hurts. 

I don't think I want to love again for a very long time.