suffocating, i need to run away.

I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’m drowning in this overwhelming sea of emotions, and I just want to run away from it all. My home life is a mess, and it’s weighing me down more than I can handle.

Let’s talk about my mom. I don't think she loves me. I mean, she says she does, but it’s hard to believe when she barely pays attention to me. It feels like I’m just a ghost in my own home, drifting around without anyone noticing. Then there’s my dad, who’s so distant it’s like he’s living on another planet. I crave connection, but it’s like trying to reach out to a wall. 

And school? Almost everyone at school seems to hate me, and every day feels like a battle I’m not equipped to fight. I dread going there. It’s like walking into a place where I’m constantly judged and ridiculed. I just want to disappear. 

 I’m only 16. I feel trapped in this life that I didn’t choose. I’m what you’d call a reluctant hikikomori. I’m forced to go to school, but outside of that, I hardly leave the house. It’s like I’m stuck in this bubble where the only thing I can do is go to classes and come back home to the same suffocating environment. 

I have zero survival skills because my parents never taught me anything useful. It’s like they want me to rely on them completely, and it drives me insane. I feel like I’m being set up to fail, and it’s pushing me closer to the edge. I just want to scream and cry and let all this out, but I don’t even know how. 

I’m genuinely reaching out for advice because I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. My mental health has hit rock bottom, and I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there anyone out there who understands?