Why I think I find romance & sex repulsive (as an aroace person)

(MENTION: this does not explain the experience for ALL aroace people. Just mine)

I'm sorry but am I wrong for finding sex and romance repulsive? Like any form on content or topic that even involves that actually disgusts or irritates me from time to time. I do not have an issue with some types of couples. Some...because the majority of this generations couple rules seems more like worship rather than actual love.

Starting off with sex. I was so confused finding out more about these things when I was younger, but the one that actually made me puke multiple times was the topic and concept of sexual intimacy. Hell no. I'm sorry but the idea of ones genital even being on yours or even your skin is actually revolting. Heinous. Rancid. Repulsive. Nauseating. I actually hate hearing about it unless we're talking about natural human experiences and changes that happens to MOST people (not all). Finding out people my age had sexual urges was also odd because the first thing that came to my head was the fact...that you guys have sexual urges..? It's not shameful, just surprising for me back then.

Now on to romance. I was so confused to see the requirements of being a lover to someone amd it only either did not make sense or just wasn't something that was fitting for me. One of them being not being friends with the opposite gender...? I thought gender inequality was over but nah. Because if you can't trust a partner being around the opposite sex without assuming they'd cheat on you...why are you dating the first place? It honestly never made sense to me. "Oh I can't trust my boyfriend being around other women!! W-What if he cheats on me..?" YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE WHO'D POTENTIALLY CHEAT ON YOU?? WHAT... Like honestly, I'm not expert or nerd about romance and stuff but I will give you an obvious and common advice. Instead of dating someone who's disrespectful and would act weird around the opposite gender...maybeeee...oh I don't know...date someone who is actually TRUST WORTHY around someone regardless of sex/gender?? Because the whole important key of any relationship (platonic, familial, romantic whatever) is trust and communition. You need this in EVERY form of relationship with anyone because if you lack any of these two, your relationship with an individual would not work at all.

Not only that but seeing the things you need in order to be a good partner, I'm realizing that i would not be trusted as someones lover. Here's a list of why honestly.

· I am very selfish with my stuff.

· I do not like sharing a bed.

· I hate the idea of kissing.

· I am not gonna give any affection that is intended to be romantic or sexual.

· I will not trust one with my secrets just because they're meant to be my partner.

· I would most likely pick my education, myself or other people over them because again, I would not be able, nor do I want to give affection to someone just because of they're suppose to be my romantic partner.

· I will most likely not commucate with them in a way where they want me to.

· I will not be able to emotionally support them if they feel 'unloved' or 'unwanted' in a romantic sense 

· I won't trust them with my things.

· I wouldn't even want them in the same house as me. 

· I would DEFINITELY not let them use the "would you pick ______ or the love of your life??"  card on me. Especially when they're in the wrong or when it comes to my needs or someone elses needs that is a lot more important than their selfishness or untrust towards me.

So yeah, I would not be a good 'lover' at all. I would never be abusive or toxic to anyone, but I literally cannot meet any of their needs if it's a romantic or sexual relationship. I can't, it just doesn't sit right with me.