Do yall ever like...

Become aware of your surroundings at a random moment of the day and feel panic filling you head to toe. The moment feels so real, you are real, everyone is real, there is some stuff around you and they are real yet at the same time you feel so detached from all of it. You realize some of the voices that were always there but for some reason you could not hear a few seconds ago, some scents that bother you that you were unaware of just now. And you wonder in how many minutes of your life you actually realize that everything you experience is real and you are actually making choices in your life that will affect you in the future. You feel crushed under your consciousness. You start looking at your hands and arms, they seem all so foreign to you, like you are not one with your body, like you exist outside of your body and the person who controls your limbs isn't you, You are two different people, that is if you can call the thing you describe as self a person at all. At that moment you now know how for the most of your life you did not live by being aware of your surroundings and yourself. So you try to hold onto this little moment of consciousness which already feels like hours. You try to ask some questions to yourself but you cannot make up the weird feeling and how to describe and turn it into something concrete and maybe you don't want to. Because this total 5 seconds that you felt in the described way made you want to cry out of fear while not knowing what to fear of, yell as loud as you can without having the strength to do so. Despite all, you still try to hold onto the feeling, but it is already slipping away and you don't have an idea on how to make it stop. You turn your head and try to look around when the feeling is not as strong as it used to be. You try to understand what happened but every time you think about it, it comes back for a split second bringing the struggle to breathe and taking it away with itself just as fast. You wonder if you can ever forget about these seconds or if you are doomed to live like this for the rest of your life. 

Then you hear your name, someone is calling out to you. Maybe it is your parent and they are telling you the meal is ready, maybe it is your friend who wants to show you a silly video they found. You get distracted and forget about everything that happened. Not knowing therefore not caring about the fact that this was probably not the first time you experienced this and it definitely won't be the last. You go on with your life. But do you really?