family troubles // vent

(bad punctuation, possible spelling mistakes, or just some stuff that doesnt make sense together. im tired and just needed to talk about this.)

for context, my mom and step dad divorced somewhere around 2021-2022, so he visits us for a week or two every so often before going back to L.A

my bio dad passed not too long after i was born

my mom and step dad got married when i was 8-9, and moved in with each other. we didnt have much money,so we lived in this small one bedroom apartment for awhile. they constantly fought, he got drunk almost everyday while my mom was preg with my little brother. after my brother was born, i think it just got worse. when they fought i was usually hiding in the bedroom and watching my baby brother. because i was in a different room, i dont know who exactly did what, but when i would come out the room there would be holes in the walls (once they punched a hole in the bathroom door). they broke picture frames, glass cups, and a karaoke machine i used to play with at the time. my mom took us over to my grandparents house sometime after the fights.

eventually, he began leaving after fights, calling his family to take him to L.A since he felt like he couldnt go anywhere else. after a bit, he just didnt come back.

without extra details, he cheated on my mom when she thought they were working things out.

after the divorce, i didnt see my stepdad for quite awhile, and when we did it was only for a few days.

his family (mother,brother,sister+niece nephew) from what i know, doesnt treat him very well. i try to take that in consideration when i wonder why he doesnt stay with us. his brother attacks him, his mom doesnt stop it. his sister goes out, leaving her kids at home. when she leaves, she doesnt tell anyone, making him watch her kids. (they tell him some cps worthy stuff) i think hes scared to leave them. theres a lot more stuff that happend, but im getting too tired to talk about it all.

over the past year or two after mentioning it briefly to my friends, i realized that this is not normal. and when i think about it, i wish it all couldve happened differently.

now, hes been with us for about three weeks,the longest hes stayed with us. the fighting still happens, but its not how it used to be, they just yell. i dont get to hide in my bedroom like i did when i was younger, i have to listen to them insult each other over stuff that are small, often i dont understand why theyre even mad. and dont get me wrong, we can still have a cool time. we watched Hamilton together, and trolls, and stuff like that. i try not to provoke them, but it still seems to happen about everything. 

my step dad is leaving again, today. 

i wish i had a stable family. but then again, im not sure if this is just how families are.

either way, i hope we can just get along for more than just a few hours.