what's the point?

I hate how badly I want arbitrary things that are entirely selfish. I just think, I donno, like, I just really want online friends I can blog with, work on writing with, blab about music, play mario kart. I donno, make art, have fun and shit. But the current state of the entire world feels hopeless. I'm usually afraid its just "my" world thats hopeless, but it truly feels like we're reaching a really scary state. I feel doomed. and its so dumb because none of this should be a big deal, I should just live life, not give a shit about my appearance, but god I feel so ugly. if only I could feel pretty and not care. but nobody else thinks I'm pretty either. nobody really sees me. I have to hide it from everyone, even if I don't want to.

im so demotivated, idk how to get back on track, and I wish I had true friends :(