life as a free lance model

Hiii blog, it's been a minute. as i suck at blogging regularly to begin with.

There isn't much that's been new in my life besides modeling. This past February, I've decided to take on the modeling industry (if that's what we're going to call it) because i model, but I'm not exactly IN the industry. I'll explain that part soon. 

Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to model. Whether it be for ads, television, myself, etc. I didn't care. So I started. Once I was of age, I really started to deeply consider that option. Sometimes I get paid for modeling, but not usually since it remains a hobby of mine (as I build a portfolio.)

Who knew modeling would be so harsh though. When I started, I thought I was the perfect person to model. But being a model isn't just being pretty and photogenic.. It's knowing how to pose very efficiently, knowing modeling terminology, networking, having good fashion choices, dealing with men, etc. I'd like to try and hit all points made within this blog. 

I want to start off with networking. While trying to make connections with other models, it was debilitating at first. I knew I wanted connections, but not pointless ones. I wanted other model friends. In which, most models don't want to be friends, and that is the hard truth. Some of them have been modeling for way longer than me, so they have a sort of cocky attitude instilled. It's almost like I'm not a possible friendship to them, but a threat. I won't sit here and say that is how every model acts but it is a vast majority of them. Which makes things somewhat difficult. However, I don't crave validation of other models. Like I said, just friendship. I've just gradually learned to stick to myself, at this point. There is no reason to sit around and care what others think when this is business. work. This is professional. No need to fret. 

The second point is the fashion choices. Now, the reason I have an issue with this is because I don't have a specific aesthetic set for myself. If I like it and it looks good on me, I'm wearing it. Whether it be boho, alternative, basic, country, clean girl, grunge, etc etc,, you get the point. Most models have a certain way they dress and that's that. Or they do continuous themes of photoshoots that look so similar each time. I'm a little bit of a горячий беспорядок, some would say. Sometimes I get stuck in my head, as if I'm not fashionable enough, or aesthetic enough. Or even cool enough. But modeling isn't easy. Nobody ever said it would be. It's highly competitive, can take a toll on your mental, it can absolutely be tiring, and a bit debilitating at times. But all in all, with being a model comes a strong and self assured mindset. This also just comes with being neurodivergent in this kind of setting. I automatically do not see hierarchies. So I don't feel competitive like most do, I don't look at another model and feel jealous, because that is just simply not how my brain works haha. You can't always please everyone, but you can always please yourself with your creative sense of mind. 

The men. THE MENNNNNNN!!!!! I cannot stress this enough... Some photographers are just CREEPY MEN WITH CAMERAS. I'll say it again and again. I've had my fair share of some pretty weird encounters with "photographers." As I tell these stories, they'll get progressively worse. Once, I shot with this guy, in which we took over 300 photos. When he finally sent the photos, he only sent me 6 of them. When I brought it up, he said that was the agreed amount when it came to my access of the photos. After trying to recall, not once did this man ever bring that "agreement" up. He never brought it up, literally ever. So for the "misunderstanding" as he said, he gave me 6 more photos, but then said this won't ever happen again. Which was so stupid to even say, because sir... You didn't bring that shit to my attention to begin with. So what do you even mean?? Bro YOU make sure that shit doesn't happen again LMAOOOO. 

Another story is when I was planning to do my first ever shoot. Let's call this photographer "Vance." Vance was cool at first. He discussed his work life as well as his personal life. At this point, i didn't know what normal conversation was supposed to be between a photographer and a client. So I really didn't bat an eye. He then started saying weird things to me, like "you're cheating on me with your bf!!" and when I did my first shoot with a photographer that wasn't him, he was genuinely upset, saying he  "was supposed to pop my modeling cherry.." weird... He also offered to buy me clothes, food, send me gas money, etc. Seems like bro was trying to be a sugar daddy. The reason I never shot with him was because of this weird intuitive feeling I had about him all along. Just to find out, months later, he's being exposed online for touching models, editing their bodies to be skinnier, being touchy and just overall invasive.... He also liked to stir up drama between models which I hated so much. So fucking weird of him to do. He also doesn't do non-sexual shoots. All of his shoots he does with girls are sexual... Do you not have any other ideas??? I mean you can be so cool without being sexual. But then again,,, he's just a man. It's just what they do... (Lana reference even tho i dislike Lana as a person haha)

The problem with this is that even though models know what he did, they continue to shoot with him and then turn around and claim to be a girl's girl. You aren't a girl's girl, you're a selfish person who only cares about clout. Is it really worth the good shot? Is it worth it? For the victims? For yourself? Weird, isn't it? 

Last one, but this photographer with like 30 followers requested to message me claiming that he worked for Gothic Noir Magazine. Now when photographers claim to work for someone, you'd expect a little bit of proof (in which i did NOT get.) The other thing that confused me is that I'm not even Goth. So why are you asking ME to do this? haha okay... I checked his page out of my safety, and bro only had pictures of nature on his page (that I don't even know if he took.) He didn't have a single shoot with a physical person. His profile picture was also off-putting. it was like half of his face. Just so weird. I had no hesitation to block him. When modeling, it's important to be super smart and safe about it, and not just grabbing any opportunity that walks through the door. Most photographers know that most models get too excited and immediately take the chance. Don't be that model. Be weary. They are still men. 

Sorry about the long ass rant. Couldn't hit every point so I hit the ones that mean most to me. I hope this blog was *somewhat* entertaining haha.

Until next time!! :3

- VELA JOY