The feeling of, slow, unrequited love.

So, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. Before we had gotten together he would be the sweetest most kindest man I have ever met and made me feel as if he had loved me for me. He was truly your classic gentle man. We had a mutual friend that had set us up because I have had a crush on him before I even knew him fully.

As we gotten together he kept doing such things to me and I felt I had met someone that didn't love me for my body and was swooned by me as much as I was by him. 3 days into our relationship we were cuddling and he started groping me a bit so I froze as a response because of trauma and I just let him continued. Of course I did bring this up to him and he apologized and said that he never felt comfortable enough to do that with anyone. As our relationship carried and I started to become more comfortable in that department its like he just doesn't want me in that way and will shut down my attempts, its not like he even tries to anymore. And I know this is going to sound awful but I have been the 'man' in every relationship I have been in: giving flowers, gifts, writing love letters, asking for selfies, planning dates, and I am tired of it. I want to be desired, wanted, needed, I want to be the Ali to someone's Noah for once (The Notebook reference).

In July, I had a major health problem that basically made me bedridden for 3 weeks and I could barely do anything. He would visit and often stay the night, I had thought that this would strengthen our relationship and make him see me in a different light. It did work for a bit but now were back to our old ways: hardly texting back, always leaving me on read, sending selfies with goofy filters when I ask for a nice one, always online but just texting his friends while I have been waiting. This may be small but, before and even during our time together he had his ex posted up on national girlfriends day with the caption and everything and it wasn't until we were both looking on his Instagram page that he deleted it. Well once the day came I reminded him and he said he forgot and would take me out another day even though he saw a post on his reels about it. Even with my reminder I still never got a post on his feed or story so I had posted myself instead (which I know gross). This wouldn't be the first time, I have always posted him on my story and feed and I can't help but think "Why can he not do this to me?" It always makes me feel so worthless and so humiliated that I gotten myself into another one of these relationships but at least this time its just emotional damage and not physical damage (still not good either way). 

He is leaving here soon for college and I feel like I have hardly seen him and how it feels like he hardly wants to do anything with me (I know he will spend time with his parents but we have hardly done nothing in the summer and the majority of my ideas have been blown off even though he agrees). I want to make matching blankets, build-a-bears with us saying "I love you" when we miss each other, matching pajamas. I hate being a hopeless romantic but I love him so much so so very much and I truly do not know what to do because I want to make us work, I just want him to love me like I love him. 

I'm sorry this is long but I have no other place or people to resort to. I have also talked about this and while he hears me and agrees to make a change it never follows through and I want to make it more clear to him since he (for some reason) cannot get it through his mind now.