'Pretty'

"I want to be beautiful," I say to myself for the 20th time today. I look in the mirror and pinch my nose to see how I would look with the "perfect nose". "I might get this done when I am older..." I murmur. I go back on my phone scrolling away endlessly looking at drop-dead gorgeous women. "Why can't I be like them?' I question myself for what felt like the 100th time today. I then go back to the mirror to see what makes them beautiful and me ugly. My lips? Nose? Eyes? I can't seem to figure it out. Maybe I just need a new face. I need to reshape perhaps. Plastic surgery maybe? Is it because they are skinny and not me? Should I starve myself to achieve such a nice figure? All these questions but not enough answers. So instead, I cry. I do it every night. I cry because I'm not 'Pretty'. I cry because no matter how hard I try everyone seems to have such a standard that I do not seem to fit into. Like an oddball. An Ugly duckling. Putting lipstick on a pig. Salty tears reach my lips before I get up and look in the mirror again. "Will I be ugly forever?" I say before I pass out from all the crying, tears still coming down as my eyes get heavy...