my own liturgy of the hours

what is with the early afternoon that just makes me completely incapable of working?

i had the afternoon off today, and i really needed to work on this assignment i have to turn in on friday.

i came home, had lunch, and you wanna know what i did for the next three hours? it sure wasn't anything to be proud of.

i laid in bed and watched game of thrones.

yes ik im six years late for that party but leave me alone i go at my own pace

factors i believe have an influence on this happening:

1. my room faces west, so after midday i have to draw the shades on my window and they turn my room into this awful yellow-ish depressing colour. i genuinely believe that puts my mood down and makes me feel worse.

2. i tend to eat big lunches so i crash after 

3. i am enslaved to routine. a very stupid and unnecessary routine, but one nonetheless. one of the restrictions this routine imposes on me is that i have to shower at 16:00-16:30. no matter what i'm doing. that's the time for showering. and then, from 17:00-17:30 i have to have a coffee and eat a little something. this is non-negotiable. i get headaches if i don't... which is probably very unhealthy.

where does this liturgy come from? i wish i knew

certainly not from the psalms

but it is of a higher power, in that i dont understand anything about it.

these restrictions take off quite a lot of my time and also occupy my mind, meaning less space for the things i actually need to do. plus i don't like to start something just to be interrupted in the middle of it by having to shower, so if i haven't started working about half an hour before i have to shower, i just give up on it and say i'll do it after...

why can't my routines ever be to my benefit?

i'm clearly not vey routinary when it comes to studying or working...

i'd love to be a nun.

that's what life is for them: strictly hour-detailed routine

an unbreakable commitment, a purpose, something to fulfil and be fulfilled in consequence.

if i were a woman i would be a nun.

because i'd be a heterosexual. 

i can't see myself not liking men, even if my sex were flipped.

not being heterosexual is one of the main factors that prevent me from becoming a full-on fundamentalist roman catholic and shutting myself up in a monastery.

also i couldn't be a monk bc they creep me out and the tonsure (that freakish haircut they style) is repulsive. i could never do that to my pretty hair.