The feeling of feeling too much

I found myself wanting to speak, for once I wanted to say something,

I learned how to speak like a human being, 

Though I spoke too much, wanting to be understood,

Wanting to be human, 

I felt so much so frequently, I cried harsh tears and laughed the loudest, 

My smile was big and my anger was obvious, 

I poured all my love into every person I came in contact with,

Wanting to learn and love,

I felt like a child for once,

However I was quickly tarnished with regret when I started to see the slow replies, 

The low energy and the way I was the one caring far too much, 

“You ruin my mood,” one said 

“You talk too much” the other

And the rest? Did the worst, ignored me, 

I told myself to smile, to keep smiling no matter what, 

I may be too much but I keep the positivity flowing,

Though when I wasn't looking the shame caught up to me, 

I found myself staying inside, I enjoyed my home,

Then I started saying less, responding dryly, 

My smile soon faded and I felt it getting harder to look at myself,

I felt everyones voice in my head circling me, 

I started going back to my room more often, 

My thoughts started appearing more, 

I felt this before but without me looking my happiness faded away, in less than a few days, 

I tried to do everything I learned but I found myself shutting up even more, 

Even though I felt nothing I felt that at 100%

I found myself smiling at my self-pity,

I really am far too much.