The existence of one who no longer wants to live

I find myself getting quieter as my thoughts grow louder,

My head pounds with my screaming voice,

Every single thing I hate screams at me to be aware, 

To be aware of its presence as I clench my fist and feel my heart pound in frustration, 

I want to rib my brain apart until it quiets down, to tear off my skin so I will never be known, 

I feel myself wanting to rip my eyes out of their sockets so I no longer have to see my own body,

The body that gets affected by my wrenched thoughts, my eyes that can only see the flaws 

I want to stab my heart so it could quiet the awful beating, 

The thoughts, the body, and the heart all that show I am alive, 

I want it to be gone,

I want to die if I have to live this awful life feeling like I cannot be a human,

I am a monster born to want to die, 

I crave the feeling of no longer existing. 

But I know if I am not myself, what could I ever be?