memories of Childhood

'비싸, 안돼.'

항상 어릴때부터 자주듣던말이다.

어린이 대공원에 갔을때였다. 배가고파서 뭐좀 먹고싶다하니까 여기는 비싸서 안된다고, 나가서 먹어야한다고 굶었던 기억이 난다.

한번은 이런적도 있었다.

심부름으로 가까운 마트에가서 장을 바와야하는데 아이셔를 샀었다.

당시 이누야샤 콜라보제품이였고 이렇게 까지 세세하게 기억나는 이유는 진짜 엄청 혼났기 때문이다.

누가 함부로 너 먹고싶은거 고르라고했냐, 당장 가져다 버리겠다 등

이런거 말고도 친구(나보다 나이많았음. 한번도 형이라 안불렀음.)네가 사줬던 허쉬 빙수초콜릿.

진짜 엄청 맛있어보였고 그래서인지 지나갈때마다 사달라고했었다.

돌아오는 대답은 똑같았고 어찌됬건 손에 얻게된나는 매우 행복하게 집에서 초코만 쪽쪽 빨아먹고 있었었다.

집에 돌아오자마자 뭐먹냐고 어디서났냐고 하니 이실직고하자 당장 환불하고 사과하고오라고 소리쳤었다.

그 뒤로는 딱히 뭘 가지고싶다라던가 이런생각이 크게 들지 않았다.

못했다 정도가 정확한거같다. 먼저 가지고싶은게 있으면 비싸다고부터 생각했으니까.

한번은 수학여행으로 캐러비안 베이를 간적이 있었다. 맘껏 놀라면서 받았던 돈은 5000원.

당시에는 많은 돈이긴 했지만 그 안에서 무언가를 하기에는 매우 한정적인 돈이였다.

애들은 다 먹고싶은게있으면 먹고 기념품도 사고했지만 나한테는 츄러스하나 먹으면 끝나는 돈이였었다.

그렇게 계속해서 비싸, 안돼, 없어 같은소리만 듣다보니 돈에 미치게 된거같다.

고등학생때부터 노가다를 시작했고 성인이 되자마자는 어디 유흥업소까지 알바지원을 했었다. 돈되는일이면 다 할려고했고 할수있었다.

그래서그런지 다 큰 지금은 돈에 매우 민감하다. 돈이 좆같이 미우면서도 좋다. Tlqkf

"It's expensive, no.

I've always heard it since I was a kid.

It was when I went to a children's park. I remember being hungry and asking for something to eat, and being told that it was too expensive here and that I should go outside.

This also happened to me once.

I had to go to the nearest grocery store for an errand, and I bought some isher.

It was an Inuyasha collaboration at the time and the reason I remember it in such detail is because I was so mad.

Who told you to choose what you want to eat, I'll take it back right now, etc.

Besides this, I remember a friend (older than me, never called him brother) buying me Hershey's shaved ice chocolate.

It looked so delicious and I would ask for it every time I passed by.

The answer was always the same, but I got it anyway, and I was very happy to stay home and just suck on the chocolate.

When I got home, I asked him what he was eating and where he got it, and he yelled at me to refund the money and apologize immediately.

After that, I didn't think much about what I wanted to keep.

It's accurate to say that I couldn't. I always thought that if I wanted something, it would be expensive.

Once, I went to Caribbean Bay on a school trip. I was surprised and paid 5000 won.

It was a lot of money at the time, but it was very limited to do something with it.

The kids ate whatever they wanted and bought souvenirs, but I only had enough money for one churros.

I think I became crazy about money because I kept hearing things like expensive, no, or no.

I started playing in high school, and as soon as I became an adult, I worked as an albatross for a brothel. I tried to do everything that was profitable and I could do it.

So now that I'm an adult, I'm very sensitive to money. I hate money and love it at the same time. Fxxx.