I think I am the embodiment of love itself sometimes

but at the cost of that, I am also the embodiment of bitter hate.

One moment I can be so gentle and careful of how I treat others. I can nurture them with my kind words and even kinder actions. I can bring light to the room and make someone's day just a little bit better. I can love someone with my entire being, receive it back and share it tenfold

yet, the in the blink of an eye somehow, my body becomes riddled with mud and dirt. My sweet words turn sour and unforgiving and I began to shove people away. I wouldn't care about what spills out of my rotten mouth, nor could I care less about how people around me reacted. All in an attempt to protect myself.

I can be generous with the love I give, or I can be selfish and keep it locked away to protect and heal myself. But that makes me a horrible person right? Nobody likes someone who thinks about themself, no matter the circumstance.

I just want the old me back. When I had plenty of love from others, enough to fuel me and even more to give back to others. But everyone is gone now. I can't see them every day and it feels like Im losing them. The people I can see every day have given up on me completely. I only try to squeeze into groups that already know each other so well, it just feels like I'm there as a standby. I am the embodiment of love and hate, and here I stand alone once again