an open letter to semi-sweet

the way in which you still believe i'll really take you back is astonishing, so i'll do what you've done to me in secret all this time: i'm gonna spill everything, for everyone to see now.

how did it feel to tell everyone of my misfortunes? did it feel good? did it feel good to take the horrors i'm experiencing, just to turn around and make them about yourself? 

I should've recognized the signs of manipulation much sooner than this. I should've known from the way you spoke about rutabaga when she couldn't see it, despite doing everything to stay on her good side. i should've known by the way you're using red. you absolutely don't deserve that pass, by the way. I should've known when i expressed my dreams of the west but you wouldn't take anything but the bland suburbia middle life as an answer. i should've known when you took in that little bird with a much more sinister motive. i hope they see through it soon.

if that wasn't enough, the blatant disregard for my privacy should've did it. let me ask this, when my mother found me out, why was your first instinct to tell everyone you knew? you told morbid, you told red, who else? who else knows everything? why was it that, when i asked to be alone, when i expressed my guilt for speaking about everything, your first instinct was to make it about yourself and to tell everyone? you know, i'm real sorry man, i can't imagine how hard me losing what i have is for you. 

the real point of no return for you was your email. i'm plenty capable of thinking for myself, and i mean every word i'm about to say:

i don't need you. i don't need your manipulation, i don't need your gossipy behavior, i don't need you to play psychologist on me. if you still think you didn't do anything wrong, i'll recap that for you:

I am tired of having to base every decision around whether or not you'll get mad, or act irrationally. i'm tired of watching you use everyone for your own selfish gain. you're doing it to bird, you're doing it to red, and you did it to me. i'm tired of living a hell everyday just so you can turn around and play the victim. and i am so glad that i came to my senses before you convinced me away from the life i deserve.

also, i'm glad to hear that i remind you of that brother of yours that you hate, because he's the only one you'll have now. take the time you "need", and i'll take all the time in the world.

i hope these words fill your head

just like you filled mine with lies that you loved me

and you'd never hurt me.

-half doomed