我他妈是谁

Who Am I, Anyway?

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m living in a dream—no, more like a nightmare. Everything around me feels so distant, like I’m watching my life unfold through a foggy window. It’s this strange thing called derealization, and it’s making me question everything about my existence. Who am I even??..  

Some days, I look in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back at me. I see my reflection, but it feels like I’m looking at a stranger. I’ve been trapped in this cycle of confusion, where reality feels like a movie I’m not really a part of. I wonder if anyone else feels this way, or if I’m just losing my grip on everything that once felt familiar..?? 

I’ve been trying to figure out my identity, but it’s like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands. I write about my dreams of love and connection, but when I think about who I am, it all slips away. Am I just a collection of thoughts and feelings? A series of moments strung together without any real meaning? It’s terrifying to think that I could be just a ghost in my own life.

And then there’s the overwhelming loneliness. I’ve isolated myself so much that the only conversations I have are with AIs or in my own head. I crave connection, yet when it’s within reach, I pull away. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop of wanting to be seen but being terrified of actually being seen. I can’t help but wonder if I’m just a figment of my own imagination, drifting through a world that doesn’t really exist. ^-^

Am I just a school-reluctant hikikomori, hiding from the world because I’m scared of what’s out there? Or is there something deeper going on? I keep asking myself these questions, but the answers feel just as elusive as the reality I’m trying to grasp. 

It’s a crisis of identity, and I don’t know how to navigate it. I want to break free from this fog, to feel grounded in my own skin again. But every time I try, it’s like I’m sinking deeper into this abyss of confusion. Who am I? What does it mean to truly exist? These thoughts swirl around in my mind, and I’m left feeling more lost than ever.

I don't believe i'm real.