the Ryan Ross gender envy is so awful im eating dirt

I think the reason its so bad w him is bc hes so... naturally feminine but his masculinity isnt really called into question ever. pete calls him a pretty girl and yet hes not less of a man hes just. More of something else. like hes not 50% masc and 50% fem hes 100% both and oh i want that so bad. I think hes worse than most gnc looking ppl bc he really looks so pretty but his voice and cadence is so masc that hes allowed to exist in this gender limbo,, i want that. the obviousness that hes a man but his big beautiful girlfriend eyes are starring you in the face and there really is no other word to describe him other than pretty.... like my bigender self is eating dry wall everytime i look at him. its so upsetting bc waawww no matter how hard i transition i wont have what he has..... ryan ross ur natural gnc swag has captured me. i wish i was u. i wish i was a boy that cis men looked at and said hes kinda pretty for a guy. sighhhhss