If someone were to ask me..

If someone were to ask me what was is it like going through what your going through I'd say I hated it, but if you were to ask me on a deeper level I'd say I want to lock myself away until it's over. I hate it so much. I've never been through something like this especially at such a young age. Maybe it's shaping me for the better even so I can't stand it. Having so many responsibilities and people to look after I hate it. I hate being the oldest. Being responsible for others and their actions. What makes it worse is that it's not my siblings it's others. Being the oldest means I have to look after them it's like a job given to me by society  to take care of them. I'm trying my best but it feels like every step I take I take 10 jumps backwards. I want to move forward in life. Get over these issues but I can't because I'm a child.