7/31/2024

today sucks.

im so behind with math-- im so good at math but the thing is i was living in england when everyone was taking the placement tests in middle school to do geometry in 8th grade (the only year of middle school i was in america for!). basically everyone i know has already gotten geometry out of the way, either 8th grade or freshman year and here i am taking honors geometry sophomore year.

my bf tried to tell me i was on level BUT I DONT WANNA BE FUCKING ON LEVEL! all my friends are DONE with geometry and im fucking 'on level'. why cant anyone understand that thats my worst nightmare. i hate being average-- i try so hard not to be but in the end im always just average. not very great at running, violin, school, being pretty, FUCKING ANYTHING

all my friends are remarkable people and im just fucking average

i dont even know if i can still double up on geometry and algebra 2 this year and its driving me insane

if im not smart idek who i am. im barely funny, barely interesting, barely pretty, barely talented. if i cant even be smart theres nothing to me. im just a nothing person

it feels like all anyone does is rub it in my face. scarlett doing like 3 sports at once and being great and violin and constantly calling me DUMB. even if its a joke ik that she looks down on me. my bf being super talented at singing and theatre and being interesting. all my other friends being in AP classes and advanced classes and being interesting. 

im not interesting or smart or talented or pretty like everyone else and i hate it. i do so many things to compensate for being average but im just mediocre at everything i do.

i just wish i couldve had enough faith in myself to take the hard classes so i wont look fucking stupid to everyone else

idc who sees this none of you know me anyways