WTF to Do with my Life

     I've worked every kind of job. Back breaking physical labor,Cooking & Running Kitchens, Working At Wal Mart Stripping Waxing Floors/Stocking Shelves and the list goes on and on. None of it was for me none of it brought me any joy other then the Cooking but that always came with shitty restaurant owners who always are drunks or drug addicts and don't know a fucking thing about Cooking. Wal Mart was so bad that every night I would consider physically harming myself so that I would have a excuse not to go because I couldn't afford to get fired for taking a day off. 

      

      So after a long time of doing what everyone else wanted me to do and what they thought I should do, you know playing that game where you do what you think is expected of you. Get up go to work be fucking miserable to the point you want to commit suicide because you can't take how unhappy you are and just want to do something you love or at least something that doesn't make you wish you were dead. Well after playing that game for years I finally said fuck it and started to try things I actually want to do. 

     Now I'm taking my shot at my dream at the thing I've always wanted to do and that's be a entertainer. My outlet Twitch. I have to thank twitch honestly because it's given me a place and a platform to at least give it a go. It started as a hobby just a fun thing to do in my free time. But as I started to get a small following and made affiliate I sat down and discussed it with the wife and we decided if it's what I love then I should do it and put my all into it and for the last few months that's what I have been doing. It's not easy it's not just sit on your ass and play video games. You need to be on the hole time. Stick to a schedule just like any job. Yes you make your hours but you have viewers to answer to if you miss streams and make them feel neglected and no I'm not saying this is a hard thing physics it's obviously not even though my ass does get soar a lot during long streams. I'm saying it's mental exhausting. There's nothing more draining when you put your all into a stream crush it at a game are killing all your jokes and you realize at the end of the night no one was watching.... But then there's the nights you do that and people are watching and the feeling of seeing your chat blow up with laughter or excitement can't be matched. I'm loving this and it's what I want to do. I'm trying to expand into a podcast and taking my love and talent for cooking and also doing a live Twitch Cooking show. It's just hard not having money for equipment. So things take time and I hope in time I will get there. 

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this blog post maybe it's me venting, maybe it's me reassuring myself of my goals and plans and that it will all work out if only I just keep trying and giving it my all. Or maybe it's for you the reader if there are any to give you a insight on me and who I am and what I'm about. 

Thanks for your time and hey wouldnt be doing my job if I didn't plug myself a bit. If you ever get bored some night and need someone to chat with and have a few laughs can always find me on twitch 

httpa://www.twitch.tv/kaozclown