Soooooo More Change

Hello peoples of the internet, it's me. I'm gonna be rambling about my life and what has changed since my most recent blog. It's actually been a bit,I believe.. or maybe not I don't really remember and I'm too lazy to check.

If you read or even just skim through my blogs, you totally know I was dating this guy who I called B, right? So, me and him broke up. It definitely was not mutual, but I broke up with him. I think it comes off as a shock to a lot of people, but whatevs. It was coming anyways, regardless of what he, I, or anyone else wanted or hoped for. 

It had always been in the back of my mind, and this is the only safe space that I can really talk about it without being afraid of backlash. His mother is very protective of him, and she'd totally confront me. 

Anyways, I've been smoking and drinking since I was 13. Not continuously, I'd probably be dead and noticeably more stupid if I did that. I also have/had drug addicted parents for most of my life.

So, my mother actually made me super duper mad, like NO CONTACT mad. Well, she entered a transition house. She actually got so much better, which is so crazy? I don't even know who she is, and that's weirdly a good thing? So, YIPPEE!! 

The reason I bring that up is because I recently moved in with her when things started to get worse at the house I was living in before. I DO NOT LET DRUG  ABUSE SLIDE. IT'S SO ANNOYING REGARDLESS OF HOW OFTEN SOMEONE DOES IT, BRO! (sharply and painfully directed at my father, bruh) 

So, I live with her boyfriend now (who is sort of a family friend, but I also know his family really really well, and I am very positive that he is a good guy. No doubt that he is nothing compared to the other.. choice males my mom had in her life before.) and she actually just recently just moved out of her transition house. Which, a transition house is sort of a group home for people trying to rehabilitate by their own choice, rather than a forceful inpatient facility or rehab. Well, once I became more involved with my mom she would invite me to her NA meetings. Keep in mind, I'm still dating and seeing B.

The NA meetings really changed my perspective of my life, especially as a young adult? new adult? I dunno, dude. 

Mind you, before this I had been smoking, drinking, and literally doing drugs on a pretty regular basis. I had actually experienced withdrawals for the first time. I can't much explain a lot about it, because I'm afraid of sounding like any drughead ever. It did have a lot to do with what I have been through, moreso about what I was going through and the people around me, as well as my own actions and decisions. Duh on the last part.

I would smoke at his house, he finally became less stingy with his alcohol because I think he liked me more when I was drunk. I got ahold of pills that weren't prescribed to me and I did shrooms. It wasn't great.

Also he's just behind me in life and is honestly spoiled out of his mind if I'm being blunt and mean. But nonetheless he was nice and good, but I felt like a tag along and not much like someone he would want to marry, you feel?

I want to take more thought into what I do, and put more intention in my life. I am dating to marry, because I'm literally 18 years old dude. 

Anyways, I'll talk about other stuff soon, because there is more.. like my job, my new boyfriend, and what all has been going on in my adult life :) stay tuned! Thx for reading!