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⟢ ﹒ Axl/Astro ﹒＞＜
﹐ ꕀ 18 🪐 ıllı
﹒✦ 🛸 "You just sit there and look pretty." ◞⠀
I wouldn't say I have a fear of dying alone. I think I've come to accept the idea. I used to be terrified, playing out the events of my life simply with nobody. My friends have each other which I'm all too aware of, I'm nothing but a third wheel in their relationship. I try to reassure myself, maybe I will find someone but at the same time I feel it is almost impossible.
Who would really want to spend their life with someone like me? I have enough baggage to fill a cargo plane. I have mental disorder after mental disorder that always seems to affect my relationships. The idea of having to educate someone on all of my disorders makes me feel so impatient and almost exhausted. To dedicate my time explaining "hey this is how this affects me and it may affect you" and knowing that dedication will not be returned. I don't even waste my time anymore, I've made up a fake scenario just to ask people how they would react to having to care for a traumatized person I call it "the traumatized puppy".
How would you react if a traumatized puppy walked up to you on the streets? Most people tend to baby the dog or start asking why it's traumatized without considering the fact that a dog may feel hesitant to the idea of a healthy relationship at first, it may bark and bare its teeth at the new person despite seeking comfort in them originally. Maybe I expect too much. I want to learn and grow from each other but I feel as if nobody wants to return those feelings.
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