sonic goes to hot topic

sonic works at the mall. he goes to hot topic and falls in love with the man behind the counter. hijinks ensue.

Sonic hated the mall. Too bad he worked in the food court. Unfortunately, the local Sonic Drive-In had some kind of beef with hedgehogs, thus refusing to hire them despite anti-discrimination laws. The mall was his last resort. It was the only place that would hire him, and he was going to be evicted if he missed another rent payment. If only gold rings were an accepted form of currency. Too make thing worse, his landlord was a little old Italian lady, and he could just imagine her throwing him out the window, along with the rest of his furniture, while yelling obscenities he couldn’t understand. He frequently had dreams about it. Scary.

"Tails," he said. "Don't you ever think there's more to life than taking people's money and giving them hotdogs?" He pronounced "dog" like "dawg."

"No," Tails replied as he took someone's money and gave them a hotdog.

"Oh, okay." Sonic nodded, clearly unfulfilled with his best friend's answer.

He sighed, chin in hand and elbow on the Nathan’s Hotdogs counter. He was wistfully thinking about how he could be at home watching Spawn. Wistfully thinking about Michael J. White’s hot bod. How he wished it was shown off more in the movie. Mortal Kombat was always a good option too, with Liu Kang's big, beefy arms and all. 

"Um, hello?" Tails waved his hand in front of Sonic's face to no avail. He grabbed his friend's shoulders and violently shook him instead. "Earth to Sonic! Earth to Sonic!"

In Sonic's spooked state, his body automatically responded with a hard slap across Tails' face.

"Jesus Christ, man!" Tails said, clearly shocked. He moved a gloved hand to protectively cover his wounded cheek.

"Oh my god!" Sonic exclaimed. "I am so sorry, buddy. Don't startle me like that again!"

"Startle you?" Tails retorted. "I wouldn't have to startle you if you just did your job!"

"I'm taking my break now." Sonic announced flatly.

"What? And just leave me with this?" Tails motioned towards the register, where a lengthy line of inpatient patrons had formed behind the counter.

"You can deal," Sonic snapped. With this, he left the Nathan's Hotdogs and walked past the crowds of people. He made sure to kick a garbage can on the way out, just to make sure people knew what an angsty hedgehog he was. Because he was so angsty, he decided to take a stroll to the newest edition to the mall: Hot Topic. Might as well get yassified with angst. He was a blue man with a plan.

Sonic had spent all of his life running. That's why it felt so nice to just slow down and walk every now and then. One foot after the other, step after step, he kept a slow pace in an attempt to maximize time spent by himself. He looked all around him, taking the sights in. Clothes and cars on display, massage chairs that don't work, kiosks of over priced things that you don't want to buy. The sights combined with the clusters of people became over whelming. Sonic felt his chest getting tighter. It was becoming harder to breath. His heart rate sped up. This is not what he wanted. He wanted to slow down. 

He put his hand on his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. Remember what your therapist said, Sonic told himself. He couldn't remember what his therapist had said. Too bad his insurance stopped covering his therapy. Sonic felt an unexpected hand on his shoulder. It was heavy and smooth.

"There you are," the hand's owner said. His voice was robotic but warm, unlike his hand, which was robotic and cold. "Rest easy, superstar."

"You make it sound like like I died," Sonic responded, now picturing himself crudely photoshopped into the clouds. He opened his eyes and turned, finally meeting the stranger's gaze. 

Sonic couldn't believe what he was seeing. A real life celebrity!

"Glamrock Freddy!" Sonic gasped. "But what happened to the Pizzaplex?"

"Hey superstar, it's me, Freddy!" Glamrock Freddy said robotically. "I am not programmed to speak about the events that took place at the Mega Pizzaplex."

"Oh, okay," Sonic said, any feeling of panic he had, now replaced with excitement. Before he got the chance to say anything else, Glamrock Freddy's chest opened up. Sonic peered into the gaping chest cavity. There seemed to be enough room for a blue hedgehog, a human child even.

"Climb in, superstar," Glamrock Freddy said mechanically. It was impressive that despite his automated voice, he still sounded so friendly and dad like. 

"Woah," Sonic muttered, amazed. Sonic climbed into the hollow space, needing the aid of a massage chair to do so. He didn't mind leaving footprints on the black leather. This specific chair also ate his dollar a few weeks ago. He was still bitter about it. Tails told him to piss on the chair, but he was content with just dirtying it instead. 

"You seemed to be panicked. I will escort you to safety."

Sonic pressed his knobby knees to his chest and allowed Glamrock Freddy to close the hatch. The space itself was exactly what was expected. Cramped and uncomfortable.

"Be careful," the animatronic bear said. "My stomach hatch is typically reserved for oversized birthday cakes and pinatas. It is not a safe play area."

"Alright," Sonic agreed. It was nice to give his sneakered feet a break. He just hoped the space wouldn't end up to be his final resting place. 

Oh no, Sonic worried as Glamrock Freddy took a step forwards. He was rocked and tilted like the world's worst carnival ride. He felt each step in his bones. As he was left in this position, he was forced to wonder how he had gotten to this point in life. After all, he never expected to work at his local mall's Nathan's Hotdogs. He never even wanted to in the first place. He was only where life and over priced apartments had taken him. But why did life take him here? He couldn't go fast they way he would have liked anymore. He was forced to slow with the times and the people. He couldn't keep speeding and breaking the law. If he did one more time he was in deep shit. The courts were tired of only fining him and were looking to pursue harsher actions. They did not accept "gotta go fast" as a medical condition. He had to keep his speed to back roads in bum-fuck nowhere for now. 

As Glamrock Freddy continued to walk, Sonic felt like he was going to puke. He went to open the hatch only to find it was locked. He banged his fists on Glamrock Freddy's insides, the sound reverberated in Sonic's ears. Glamrock Freddy came to a halt and Sonic was thrown forwards. They really gotta put a seatbelt in this thing, thought Sonic. Without warning the hatch opened up, leaving Sonic tumbling to the floor. 

"Ouch," he groaned. Usually he would be disgusted by the floor, who knows what kind of new diseases have been created there, but now the cool tiles felt nice on his skin. 

"Way to go, superstar!" Glamrock Freddy said.

Before Sonic had the chance to thank him, or say anything at all for that matter, he was already walking away, seemingly in the opposite direction of the new security hire. It was with this that Sonic realized he never clarified where Glamrock Freddy intended to take him. 

Sonic took a few long strides, eager to get a selfie, or at least a goodbye from him.

"If I am spotted, I will certainly be taken back to my room."

What room? A leftover statement from the Pizzaplex's programming, most likely. Sonic wondered how sentient the animatronic truly was.

Sonic took in his new surroundings. He was even further from his intended destination than he started. He didn't mind though. He didn't mind an adventure every now and then. He even missed it, craved it, and if the best adventure he was going to get was becoming lost in his local mall, then god damn he was going to take what he could get. Beggars can't be choosers. 

The fresh undeniable scent of Auntie Anne's Pretzels entered the hedgehog's nose. It was an improvement to the hotdog smell he had become so nose blind to. He realized how starved he was. He had slept through his alarm this morning, and hadn't had time to eat breakfast. Finally, Sonic turned around to face the pretzel stand head on. Seeing the bright blue sign and those lemonade machines was like seeing heaven itself. Actually, he wouldn't mind if he did die and go to heaven if it was anything like this. Too bad he was just taken off suicide watch. Heaven would have to wait until Sonic's next depressive episode. 

"Goro! Buddy!" Sonic exclaimed. He didn't expect to see an old friend of his managing the stand. Those four colossal arms made quick work of those pretzels. The arms doubled his efficiency.  "I didn't know you worked at the mall."

Goro sighed. He seemed almost disgusted with the bright blue hedgehog standing before him. 

"I am Goro! General of the armies of Outworld and Prince of the subterranean realm of Shokan," Goro said. "How may I take your order."

"Hmmm," Sonic thought. Many scientists have often wondered why humans spend so much time on choices. On average, adult humans spend seven hours and thirty-six minutes a week making decisions. It was no different for humanoid hedgehogs. And here Sonic was, faced with a choice to make. What to get?

"What about the pretzel dog? No, never mind. I can't stand dawgs anymore....  Or maybe the sour cream and onion pretzel? But I don't have any mints, I don't want the they/thems to be turned off by my bad breath. Goro, do you have any mints? Never mind don't worry about it. Ummmm... The pepperoni pretzel! But I'll get the meat sweats. Ugh... I would love the cheddar stuffed pretzel nuggets available for limited time only. Too bad I'm lactose intolerant. If I wasn't working today I would get them anyways, but I still have the rest of my shift to go, and I don't want liquid ass coming out of my blue hedgehog booty hole. You know what, the-"

"I will crush you in one blow," Goro stated. He was seriously considering taking Sonic's skinny neck and throttling him. The thought of Sonic's blue corpse to match the blue pretzel sign greatly satisfied Goro.

"As I was saying," Sonic said, testing fate, "before you so rudely interrupted me. I will please have some cinnamon sugar pretzel bites."

"Anything else?" Goro asked, simultaneously plotting Sonic's demise.

"Oh yeah! I can't go fast without the proper liquid fuel as well! Uhhhh... water? It's important to stay hydrated after all! Ugh.. but the other options are so much more flavorful... A coca-cola product perhaps! But which one? Bottle or soda machine? What size? Too many decisions! Hmm... a classic old fashioned lemonade! Ah lemonade! Nature's sugary piss! But those lemonade mixers! The classic flavor of bitter lemons and sweeter fruits... oh they come frozen too! That sounds so refreshing on this hot day. This mall's air conditioning unit needs some repairing... don't you agree? I think I shall go with a frozen lemonade mixer, but which one..."

"Soon, you will be no more, blue hedgehog."

"Blue! That's it! I will have a large frozen blue raspberry lemonade mixer."

"That is all." It was not a question, but a demand. If Goro had to listen to Sonic monologue about his dietary decisions for any longer, he was going to go full Mortal Kombat, and rip out his puny blue spine. 

"How much?" Sonic asked, reaching for his wallet. 

"Your total is $6.97." Goro couldn't wait for Sonic to leave, or until it was time for Sonic to die. Which ever came first.

"But how much for your buddy, ol' pal?" Sonic begged. If he could reach over the counter and sweetly wrap an arm around the beast's shoulders, he would. Anything for a cheaper meal.

"For you, blue hedgehog? $8.97." 

"What?"

"I will give you a warrior's death." A death? Yeah, Goro was at his wit's end. But a warrior's death? No, Goro did not have the required amount of respect for Sonic. 

"8.97 it is." Sonic handed over $9 in cash.

"Have a terrible day. Don't come back." That was a warning. 

"But my change."

Goro threw the three pennies at Sonic's face.

Sonic picked up his three pennies off the floor, gave Goro a dirty look (Goro flexed his four massive arms in response), and finally left the Auntie Anne's. He angrily shook his head and stomped off to the closest store. He ended up at the Forever 21's entrance.

"Forever 21!" Sonic scowled. He wished he could arson all Forever 21 retail stores in the United States. He couldn't care less about the issues created by fast fashion and child labor, no doubt aided by the company. Sonic was upset because the problems arose with the store's Cheetos collaboration. You see, on June 6th, 2019, Sonic had lined up in front of Forever 21 and eagerly waited for the release of the new merchandise. He excitedly bought a body suit and a beanie, both decked out with the bright orange snack logo. He bought a Flaming Hot Cheetos lip gloss set as well. Sonic was so ready to be a hot sexy material girl. While he had no complaints about the beanie, the bodysuit rode up his rear end when he ran at his top speeds. Like the Grinch's heart, Sonic's lips swelled three sizes after using the gloss. He looked like Kris Jenner on her 2012 Dominican Republic vacation. He swore to never give Forever 21 any more of his hard earned cash. 

In his blind rage, he took down a mannequin. The store employees left it. Minimum wage wasn't enough to care. Sonic stomped away. 

His hot girl walk helped clear his head. When the anger subsided he took a good look around, wondering if he was any closer to Hot Topic. He took a seat down and decided to eat his cinnamon sugar pretzel nuggets and drink his large frozen blue raspberry lemonade.

The woodsy cinnamon aroma engulfed Sonic's senses. The first bite of those cinnamon sugar pretzel nuggets was heavenly. The sweet sugar blended smoothly with the slight bitter tones of the cinnamon. He chewed it slowly, savoring each delectable taste of the doughy pretzels. Still warm, the treat made his tongue feel like a cozy afternoon in front of the fireplace on an autumn day. The frozen blue raspberry lemonade mixer was also divine. He slurped the blue slush, the sour flavors of the lemonade contrasted with the artificial blue raspberry. Sonic got the chills as the flavors melted nicely on his tongue. He tasted summer. It tasted like he should be speeding down the highway, top down, music blasting on a hot summer night. So many delicious flavors coated the inside of Sonic's mouth. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he almost sighed with pleasure. Passing mothers hurried their children by and shielded their eyes.

Disappointment settled into Sonic's chest when he finished his snack. He was tempted to go back and spend more money, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Goro would not be happy to see his blue face again. He waddled sadly to the trash cans. He hovered over the cans, reluctant to throw out the cups, still coated in traces of the sugary treats they once held. He took a big sniff of the paper cup that once held the pretzel nuggets. His long tongue sensually licked the inside of the cup, savoring the last of the cinnamon sugar flavor. Hesitantly, he let the cup fall into the garbage can. He blinked his green apple eyes. He would not let any tears form. He did his best to consume the very last drops of the frozen lemonade mixer. He sucked the straw obnoxiously. Finally, he was forced to throw out the plastic cup as well. He stared into the garbage can longingly, reminiscing on a better time. Tears slid off of his fur. He turned away, it hurt too much to stick around. He slowly ambled away, looking back every few steps. 

He shook his head in an attempt to physically clear his mind. He forced his legs to move, to get away from his buried loved ones. He let himself be surrounded by new sights.

"Awooga! Awooga!" Sonic's mouth gaped open at the sight before him. Sonic had never seen a real life woman before! Well, this wasn't exactly a real life woman. Her likeness was just plastered over the Victoria's Secret window. He stared at the bodacious beach babe, and her curvaceous body. Her slender legs and moderately sized breasticles were distracting. It then occurred to Sonic that he was still at the mall, not in the bathroom with a Playboy magazine.

"Pervert," he heard an elderly woman snicker behind him. Sonic awkwardly averted his eyes, feeling shame and embarrassment. He felt like a little lesbian girl on a mall trip with her mother, but before she had her gay awakening. He hurried away. 

"Old hag!" Sonic rudely responded. Just like slapping Tails, this response was automatic. 

Sonic had a lot of time to think. Hot Topic wasn't close, but this was the journey his mind yearned for. He teased his body by refusing to go fast. Sonic thought about the woman who called him a pervert. She was no spring chicken, but damn she smelled good. Yet he couldn't quite put a finger on what scent. Japanese cherry blossom? Sweet pea? Another light classic scent of adolescence of the late 2000's? He wanted to know. No, he needed to know. He wouldn't be able to rest with her lingering scent in his hedgehog nostrils. A trip to Bath & Body Works was necessary. He remembered something Tails had told him in the past: "That's downright Waffle House behavior." Sonic thought it was applicable to the situation. 

As soon as Sonic put one skinny leg past the threshold, he was bombarded. The Bath & Body Works employees were a flock of seagulls, and Sonic was a lone french fry. Sonic was tugged in all directions. Lotions and sanitizers coated his hands. Candles shoved under his nose, and moisturizing lip glosses forced onto his lips. He hoped these glosses were nothing like the ones sold at Forever 21, the ones that gave you chemical burns and inevitably ended up at HomeGoods. 

"Sale! Sale!"

"Buy one single-wick candle, get one free!"

"Three-wick candles half off!"

"You there!" One of the employees called out. "Blue hedgehog!"

"Who? Me?" Sonic pointed at himself and looked behind him for another blue hedgehog. 

"Yes, you!" The employee hurried over to Sonic, lotions in hand. Sonic noted that she looked like the definition of 2012 tumblr hipster fashion. She spoke fast. "Your dorsum is so dense. Those spines look like they could use some moisture. You know, all of our lotions have moisturizing shea butters and come in a variety of amazing scents. You look like an earthy kind of guy, what about Wicked Vanilla Woods?"

"My dorsum?" Sonic said flatly. "Stop being quirky and just say 'backside.' And my spines get a lot of moisture, thank you very much. That is emotional manipulation and I do not appreciate it."

He dramatically turned his nose up at her and strutted towards the body sprays. His mission would not be forgotten. He picked up Sweet Pea and Japanese Cherry Blossom first, and gave both a big sniff. He detected notes of pear in both, which he had also smelled on the faceless woman, but neither were the scent. Sonic shook his head and tossed the bottles behind him. 

"Sir, you cannot throw the merchandise--"

"Shut up," Sonic interrupted, determined to find the correct aroma.

He gave Beautiful Day a deep inhale. It was floral and applely. While delicious, it had no notes in common with the woman. Disappointed, he flung the bottle to join the first defects. He picked up the next perfume. The magnolia and nectarine of Hello Beautiful was not shared with the original scent. He added it to the graveyard collecting on the floor. He gave Poppy a big huff. The dewy floral and pear scent was intoxicating. This was the scent of the faceless woman. His blue body shuddered. 

In a daze, Sonic felt his body drift towards the register. He didn't feel like he was in control of his own body. His mind was tipsy with thoughts of the faceless woman. Of how smooth her skin might have felt, of how her hips might have moved, and how nicely her body might have fitted into his. The only things he knew for sure were her voice, and oh god her smell.

He threw cash and change at the cashier, and didn't even bother to count it. He didn't even give the cashier the chance to ring the body spray up either. He just turned robotically (is the what Glamrock Freddy feels like?) and made his way towards the exit. Evidently, he does not think things through. With each stride he got closer to the hazard he had created earlier.

No one had picked up the discarded perfumes. Sonic stepped onto a bottle and was set flying forwards. Right into a candle display. Autumn scents and glass coated the shop's floor. 

Sonic moaned in pain, a sensual noise coming from deep within his throat.

I need to get out of here, was his only thought. He forced himself to get up.

"Gotta go fast!" He said before speeding out of the door. He ran, and he ran, and he ran. He ran to the other side of the mall. He looked behind him. Was he being chased? He didn't know. All her knew was that Bath & Body Works employees could be frightening when they wanted to be. In Sonic's distracted state, he didn't realize he was heading straight for a wall. He hit the wall at full speed. His head smashed through it, allowing his to see the scenery beyond the building. He got a nice view of the parking lot, and noted that there were many cracks that needed filling. He pulled his head out and shook out the debris. Somewhere, he had lost his Nathan's Hotdogs baseball cap.

"Damn," he breathed. His boss was stingy, and they were going throw a fit if they found out Sonic had lost an essential part of his uniform. He wondered how harsh the consequences for vandalism would be as well. Pain clouded his head.

Bystanders stared at Sonic in confusion and shock. He peered at them and simply stated, "The fuck you looking at?"

That's when it hit him. The new storefront, the mall's latest edition, the Hot Topic, now stood proudly in front of Sonic. He could practically hear heaven's trumpets belt out the song of the emo gods. The dark exterior gave him a sense of belonging. Shadow the Hedgehog loitered out front, and stood leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His black and red body fit right in with the emo motif. Sonic's ears were blessed by the pop punk music coming from the store. The smell of cheap metal and body odor permeated the air. He could practically see the stink lines coming off the tweens coming in and out the shop. The windows showed off merchandise for the well loved and iconic comic "Sonichu." The yellow character was plastered on hoodies, bags, pins, and more. Sonic felt weird seeing his likeness combined with another's face.

"Oh my god." Sonic jumped up and down excitedly. He had finally reached his destination. He couldn't believe it. He ferally stormed the entrance, practically frothing at the mouth.

Inside the store, the smell of b.o. and tweens was stronger. It’s like they thought Bone Daddy cologne was an acceptable alternative to showering. More merchandise, Sonichu and more, decorated the aisles. Band tees for every poser's needs lined the back walls. Sonic watched a pair of scene kids growl and rawr and each other, seemingly to assert dominance and attract the attention of a nearby emo girl. 

Sonic strolled around the store, carefully picking out what to buy. He walked up to the skirts, but walked away quickly before allowing himself to consider anything. He wasn't in the mood to be called certain slurs today. On a jewelry rack, he found the iconic Sonichu medallion, of course based off the beloved Chris Chan. Sonic believed he did nothing wrong, and was proud of his miraculous escape. Only he was in the room when it happened. He also picked out a nice pair of socks with his own blue face on it, as well as a Nirvana t-shirt with an already chipping design. You know how those Hot Topic t-shirts are, after all.

Sonic walked up to the counter, finally ready to pay. He unloaded his arms and placed his items on the counter. He looked up at the cashier, who was much taller than him. Sonic couldn't help but notice how dashing he looked in the cheap florescent lights. He suddenly became a flustered mess. He stared, wide eyed and mouth gaping, mouth breathing heavily. The cashier stared back, a blank expression on his face. Sonic needed to strike up a conversation to ease the awkwardness. 

"Did you find everything okay?" The cashier asked, his purple likeness desensitized to the pain of retail. He began to scan the hedgehog's items. Sonic noted that his nametag only said "Purple Guy." His company lanyard was decked out in pins of flashy animatronics. Glamrock Freddy seemed to be featured on one of them, only he was more boring than Glamrock. 

"Um, umm... W-what song is this?" Sonic awkwardly pointed up at the speakers, as if music usually came from people's asses. 

"Smells like Teen Spirit..." the cashier said, monotone. He glanced at Sonic new shirt as he scanned it. "By Nirvana..."

"O-oh... Okay. Erm, thank you," Sonic stuttered.

"You're total is $46.70," the purple guy said. He seemed very disinterested in Sonic's very obvious advance, although, he did slip a few pins in Sonic's bag free of charge.

"H-have a nice day." Sonic walked out of the shop in a dazed state. He was dreaming about that fine man. He was so dreamy and beautiful.