Thanks Giving TW: Talks about assault

When I was 16 my innocence was lost. While playing with my cousins I was laid on my side when my uncle came up behind me and touched my chest. I remember not being able to do anything about it. Like I was frozen in my tracks, I felt guilty and sick to my stomach like it was my fault that he did this to me. I was so mad that i just wanted to go home, I was mad at everything and everyone I didn't know how to feel with the emotions i had. Ive have told my parents and they have helped me alot with the situation, but unfortunately i cant tell anyone else because of the severity of what he will do. He will try to twist my words and will cut ties with my cousins and i will not be able to be in contact with them. Ive kept it to myself even though it feels like I keep a heavy weight on my back. I get serve anxiety even by going into the state my uncle lives in, Thanksgiving is coming up and i am staying alone for. I wont be able to be with my family and my grandfather who might not have that much time left with us. I hate him but i forgive what he did. I dred holidays because i know i have to see him. I just want this pain to go away, I just want to break free.