Just one...

I sat there at school, my friends laughing at a joke while the sun was shining brightly.

I just sat there feeling my desk. It was cold, I felt that I deserved to be cold. I deserved to sit there quietly while they laughed. I believed that if I was cold and quiet then maybe the universe would mistake me for you.

Maybe the earth would take my hand and swallow me up instead, and you could feel warmth again. That you would be able to go for a walk, even if it was just one. That I would be devoured and you, you would live happily. I hate that your last moments were on that cold shiny metal. I wish the last thing you saw was the beautiful sky and fluffy clouds.

For the next few weeks I would call for you, but you would not answer. I would find your hair on the coach and feel a pain in my chest like fire. In the past I would have thrown them away, but now I keep them. I keep them because maybe if I collect enough of them I can put you back together. And if you were back I could sit with you on the coach like I used to, and could take you for a walk…even if it was just one. I could whistle or call your name and wait for you to rush over to me with a smile on your face while you breathe in the fresh air.

But your time has passed, the world has taken you and I feel selfish for wishing you would have fought through all of the pain.

I just wish I could've gotten a moment with you or even a glance at you before you left..even if it was just one.