A Heart Set Astray [STORY]

(Based on real life events between 2019 - 2024)

When I met you, I saw something in you

A bright, bubbly persona of a potential friend,

We met in our Junior year in Physics, and we were at the top of the class,

I helped you a lot on things you weren’t certain of, but that’s ok,

Because I was willing to help either way, help out a new friend, being you.

 

Much changed since then, changed my identity, you being the first to know,

We enter college, I stay online, you go physically,

You vent to me you were bullied, but I made sure those were wrong,

And you’re just fine the way you are.

 

We’d call each other via video, always enjoying each other’s presence,

Talk, and talk, and talk, all we wanted about anything,

Vent here and there, you once called me on the way home, crying,

I was in the midst of getting ready to shower, but I knew I had to comfort you,

I listened to you yell, cry, all the while I was making sure you’d be okay,

Simply just by talking to you, we settled it out, you became calmer, but I made sure one thing for certain,

I wasn’t going to leave you, ever, but support you to the best of my ability.

 

But ever since the days of high school, something was bubbling up,

We didn’t think we’d ever get this far, but we knew something was there,

Everything changed New Years 2024, what started as a simple voice call,

Pretty much confirmed we had feelings for each other,

I thought it was never possible, I had for awhile seen you on a mutual level,

And yet deep down inside, I loved you, I had feelings for you,

And you loved me, and the day I turned 21, we made it official,

We became friends, to lovers within days,

It felt wonderful, knowing we had the same feelings for each other.

 

My depression died, and for the first time in ages, I felt happy,

I hadn’t felt miserable, because you were there to cheer me up,

You were full of joy, because I was there to hold you in my arms,

I wanted to do so much with you now that we were lovers, but you had to move.

 

Even if we would now be states apart, I’d promise to never cheat, or lie, you did the same,

Yet sadness loomed now that you were gone, longed I had wanted to hold, and kiss you,

But we kept contact, calling each other when you were available, talking like usual,

and then…

It seemed the cracks were beginning to form.

 

Like a flip of a switch, you didn’t believe a thing I said,

Despite everything we’d been through, despite me being there for you,

Whenever you had an episode, I’d be there to catch you but this time,

You seemed to push me away, I was trying my best to calm you down,

But you didn’t believe me suddenly.

 

How? Why? Why did this sudden shift in tone and attitude happen?

It’s like you hated me now, even though I didn’t do a thing to you,

You were now scared of me, even though I’ve never shown any kind of aggression,

I tried my darndest to show my love was real, that I really DID love you, but through a wall of text,

All I did was accidentally anger you, the love was slowly dying as the days passed.

 

I didn’t want to accept it, I couldn’t accept I was losing you,

After all these years, these thoughts bubbling up, and just when it happens,

It all goes awry, destroyed within weeks, and a bond all those years ago,

Now in shambles, rubble, dust.

 

The day it ended, you offered me friendship again, to which I accept,

But its clear we didn’t want to see each other again, I felt it, you must’ve too,

Gone were the daily talks, the vibe, dead, you still went on about how you get skittish around me,

When I hadn’t done anything harmful to you, why would I do such things?

 

It feels as if you wanted me gone, as if this was your plan,

I loved you, and yet it feels like it was a lie to you,

I feel thrown away, still questioning why the big switch,

Did you even love me? Was it a lie?

 

I know I wasn’t good at communicating, its something I’m still trying to better,

And yet I still must repeat the same question,

Did you even love me? Or did you want to get rid of me this way?

Part of me misses you, but you must not feel the same.

 

Gone is everything, the relationship, the bond, the friendship,

I’m depressed again, I reminisce my time with you,

How I wish I can talk to you again, but now you’re gone.

I loved you, and yet at the same time,

I don’t know how I feel about you now.

 

FIN