been playing the game Kabus 22 as of late

Its such a silly goofy game i wish it had a fandom omg. 

Cant figure out how the saving system works tho i died and apparently now i have to start all over:,(

Ive honestly been feeling like shit as of late, mentally. Thought i had gotten better apparently ive just been getting worse. i hate it. 

I miss 2020 lowkey, and my friends from back then, we had a shit ton of fun together, theyve become entirely different people though. cant blame them for that tho, guess we all change.

yesterday i went to a themepark with one of my friends, it was awesome.

Although, idk how to talk to her. I tend to overthink what im gonna say and then i dont say anythibg at all. Its not that i talk to her much tho i feel like we arent really friends yet, even though weve been friends for about a year tho. Perhaps she feels the same about these social situations lmfao. cause she doesnt say much either when one of us try and start up a convo it quickly dies down.

shes rly cool tho, she has really bright red hair and facial piercings, her favorite band is Ghost. not that i know alotta their songs. theyre not rly my cup of tea. 

Were both going to these "efterskoler" its called here where i live after summer, so i dont think well be seeing eachother that often since you live there and only go home in the weekends. Im honestly terrified. 

Every aspect of it fucking scares me. especially the social part. But itll work out i hope.

I also have this other friend weve only known eachother for like half a year i think. But i feel like i know her much better. idk we just have more in common i guess. shes also kinda alternative. listens to blackmetal and bands like dystopia and stuff from that genre. 

Shes really nice and cool. probably wont see her as much either after summer although i hope ill be able to see her in the weekends lolll

everytime i dress up i wonder why i do it. why i put on all this makeup. Sometimes i shame myself for it, like i do it to get attention from boys. Sometimes i convince myself i do it for my own enjoyment or even as stupid and almost delusional as it sounds xd Leon kennedy. Like that mf isnt real. 

i hate how i look as of recent i feel ugly, and stupid. Actually stupid. people call me stupid from time to time. Cant tell if its ment as a joke. i dont care if it is it makes me sad. My self esteem is so fucking low and its skyrocketing down. I dont know who i am. i suppose i dont have to know im only a teenager. My dad forgets that sometimes. He expects all these things of me. And every interaction ive had with him as of recent has been negative, he keeps critizing my every move my every word and action. and its obvious he has a favorite child meh. My Little brother. He gives 0 fucks aboyt me and my sister. My sister who is literally starving herself every time we are at my dads house she eats nothing. My dad cares more about the fucking dog than his own children tbh. he atleast spends more time with it than us. greets it first everytime he enters a room.

i dont like him.

i miss my mom. i hate that theyre divorced. i fucking hate it. i feel ungreatful writing this honestly. theyre friends and dont argrue. 

and still i find it hard to accept that theyre divorced. 

im going to my moms house monday.

i hate myself. i feel disgusting for some reason

im probs just overdramatic im on my period. 

idk ojhiewtfuqgisu9i+oydwcgtguyoiuohyu8gtkj im gonna cry now.

also someone tell me why im so attached to fictional characters especially Leon kennedy. 

and im going to the beach tommorw with one of my best friends. so yayyyyyyyy i can talk about fictional characters with her and listen to tokio hotel and idk get a tan im pale af and ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh go in the water and look at boys ig. 

bai bai