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“This is a dumb idea, you know that? It’s just an urban legend, we’re not actually gonna find ghosts in the public park,” Ethan said to his friend as they walked down the shitty worn path between the stretches of trees.
“You can find your mama at the public park.” His best friend Tucker, who was some distance in front of him, stopped and slapped his own left buttcheek at Ethan.
Ethan made a rude gesture back to him. “Shut up. Your grandmama.”
“Your grandaddy,” Tucker retaliated.
“Your great uncle,” Ethan shot back.
“Your ancient cousin twice removed.” Maybe Tucker won with that one.
Tucker and Ethan continued bickering between themselves as they turned out of the main path and into the groves of dark trees. It was 1am, so there was almost no one around except for them anyway-- definitely none in the shrouded area. Their cheap flashlights hardly illuminated a few feet in front of them. But some distance away a faint melody of a song floated through the air to them, a real dirty beat.
“Think someone’s having a party in the woods?” Ethan asked Tucker.
“It’s gotta be our ghost.” Tucker took out his videocamera and started recording.
“Why would a ghost be having a party? Aren’t they all dreary and haunting this life from regrets. You’re so stupid.” Ethan swung at him with his flashlight as Tucker aimed the camera at him.
Tucker narrowly ducked and held the camera away from him. “Don’t be prejudiced. Ghosts can party too. You fucking racist,” Tucker said that last part in a ghostly tone and waggled his fingers in front of the lens.
They got nearer to the site the music was playing from, but there were no lights near there. Closer, the strings melody over the dirty beat became clearer. It was kinda melancholy. When they emerged to the small clearing in the gloom of trees, a lone speaker box sat on an outcropped rock from the ground playing the song. A candlestick next to it, unlit. The moon came out from the cover of the clouds above and streamed into the small clearing directly onto the abandoned speaker candle duo.
Tucker panned the videocamera around the scene with a grin. “Look at that, ghost party going down any moment now, I told you—” Tucker cut off as his flashlight burst in an abrupt shatter, blowing the bulb. “Cheap piece of shit! It’s melted from the heat!” He hurled his flashlight away from him in a rage.
“Bro, they were a dollar and we bought them from a homeless man. They’ve probably been used to shit.” Luckily, Ethan's own flashlight was still fine, but pretty weak in light.
“God I hate being broke,” Tucker bitched and rested the camera on the stone next to the speaker. Ethan had to call him a broke ass bitch after that.
Another bickering match ensued in the clearing of the forest next to the odd speaker, until the candlestick next to it rose in a warm glow. The insults died in their throats as they looked at the candle and it's mellowed light that threw up shadows around them. A soft wind blew through the forest and softly rustled the bodied trees around them. Ethan went to take a closer look.
“Electric candle. Shit’s probably timed.” Ethan pointed out the twistable knob at the base. “This has to be bogus.” He sat next to the speaker and though he said that, he checked that the camera was still recording. The candle switched off again, definitely out of batteries. Surely. “Song’s awesome though. Worth it to come just for it I think.”
“So you’re able to think,” Tucker said as he crouched by one of the trees. He started inspecting the trunk with his hands shoved into the pocket of his hoodie, flashlight-less. “I still think the legend’s true. Everyone who came here posted in the online forum that they saw some weird shit.”
“I dunno. Ghosts aren’t real dude. Even if they were it’s just a stupid ass person, or was, whatever. Point is, they wouldn’t even be scary at all.” Ethan paused for a moment as the speaker glitched. The song started repeating in one part three times before it somewhat went back to normal. As if the frequency of the pitch in the glitch had triggered it, he was suddenly overcome with a jarring memory out of nowhere, which he had to bring up. “You know what was actually scary? Seeing your grandma sleepwalk. That actually creeped me the hell out bro I can’t even lie.”
Tucker shuddered after he stood to lean against the tree trunk. “I have to agree with you on that one man. She keeps talking to someone called James when she does.” Tucker grabbed the back of his neck— a leafy branch must have brushed it. “She even made him a sandwich once in the dead of the night. Saw it when I went down to the kitchen for a glass of water.”
Ethan frowned as the moonlight turned over into indigo by the blend of the flashlight and dark trees. The soundscape of crickets started going quieter until there was hardly any noise at all. “Was James her late husband or something?”
“Nope. I asked my dad about it once, he also has no clue. Far as he and I know, she’s never met anyone named James.”
Tucker and Ethan looked around over their shoulders to their blind spots in the dark forest. Always good to check.
Tucker let out a troubled sigh and spoke up again. “But… I asked her about him once. She said he’s a ‘fine young man’. Got the impression she sees him like a grandson or something, whatever he is.”
Ethan looked down at the speaker next to him as the song ended. A sticker was stuck on the top of it.
“Hold on bro, look at this.” He gestured Tucker to come over then angled the flashlight for him to see better. The sticker read in all red letters: PROPERTY OF JAMES.
“What the actual fuck,” Tucker said then slowly looked at Ethan. “You don’t think…”
“Nah, no way dude. No way.” Ethan shook his head several times.
Tucker picked up the camera and angled it to the sticker before he spoke. “I don’t know man the coincidence is too freaky. I mean look at how weird this setup is anyway. I think I saw that speaker the other day too, retails for about 1000 dollars. Top of the line stuff. Why would anyone just leave it out here, playing a song way past the middle of the night?”
At that moment, Ethan's faint flashlight flickered dead. He swore under his breath and tossed it to the side, seized by the sudden darkness they were pitched in. The half light of the moon hardly shone through the cover of clouds. A shroud of bushes not too far away rustled, followed by the sharp snap of a twig. Not a moment later, heavy footsteps. Ethan's blood ran cold.
TO BE CONTINUED
Comments
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★Mia★
Haha, amazing, love the usage of yo mama jokes. Wasn't expecting that
Thanks! I like to do whats unexpected when I write. Hope you'll be around for pt 2 :)
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report
Architect of doom
Really awesome story! Can his grandma make me a sandwich though?
his grandma can make you a knuckle sandwhich
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report
Adrax
Very nice!
also "Ghosts can party too. You fucking racist" is sending me lmao
Tysm!! Trying to bring back the spirit of creepypastas and why not try and make them funny. Horror and humor go well I think, balances it out. Glad you liked it and thanks again for reading
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report
Starvix
Nice to see another writer here. If you are accepting though, I do have a few tips to help your story read better. Nothing to do with the plot or actions, just with how the information is presented.
Yeah ofc! I'm open to anything I usually just write in the dark with no clue what anyone thinks so that would be great, ty for reading as well
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report
Of course, I like seeing what others create.
There are a few things that your style does that I would never do, but by no means are they inherently bad things, so I won't bother pointing them out as issues. Unique aspects make things worth reading. Other things though, are less nebulous. Starting a new paragraph every time someone speaks is vital, and while I *do* believe you did that here, the inclusion of line breaks between important paragraphs makes thee spacing of the dialogue look as though it is not broken up as it should be.
The other major thing is naming your characters. It is entirely NOT necessary to have an effective and interesting story, but in this case, when both of your main characters have the same pronouns, relation to one another, and similar personalities, it becomes hard to keep track of which is which through the interactions. I do see that one is consistently referred to as "his friend" which isn't to be ignored, but when both of them are male, there can be some confusion. In this story, which individual is talking/doing doesn't seem entirely imperative, so I don't believe it hurts this story much, but it is something to keep in mind. (Also, naming the character/ghost "James" while leaving the rest nameless does strike me as a bit internally inconsistent, but that is not really a big issue, as I can easily see why this may have been done.)
These few things are only about the clarity of the story as it applies to the reader's perspective, and wouldn't require any changing of the story itself, so hopefully you gain something from my commentary (:
by Starvix; ; Report
Aghh tysm for pointing it out the pronouns thing is actually a huge mistake. I originally wrote the story in the third person but I realized it was super hard to track so I switched it to the first person, and that way it's more immersive as well. I even posted the first person version on reddit tonight as well but made a mistake with this one and put the old one. Would have never realized!
I will def take into consideration breaking up the paragraphs differently. It does look kinda awkward.
And as for the naming aspect, it's not something that I would normally do either. I have my main pieces of writing that I work on, but I realized I want to get exposure as a writer in general and don't want to give away anything that I would want to be published. So I started these small stories purely to post them online-- actually they all start from pictures that I use as prompts, sometimes even lyrics. So while I do want them to generally reflect the caliber of my writing, I do things to doctor the pieces, such as I would never use a line I'd want to use in my actual writings, and I don't know if I would want to name the characters either. Def keeps me from getting attached, but I also felt maybe it would be strange to name characters on such short prompt pieces, like people wouldn't care or its not so relevant that they're named. But I'm not so sure now after you made me reconsider... It definitely would be easier to write if they're named but idk, it is meant to be a chill thing with not too much pressure on it, just small scenes after all. Like in here James is named because he is the crux of the story. Kind of like another story where I name the corporation but not the character. I'm not sure at all now, I'm reconsidering everything!!
But tysm for your feedback I appreciate it so much and it's been forever since I spoke to someone online abt writing, it's really awesome can't lie especially because I can tell you're passionate about writing too. Glad we added each other!
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report
Yes, yes. And I want to reiterate, that any and all advice I may give is purely subjective, so feel free to disregard or take whatever you please. I look forward to seeing what else you post, my friend.
by Starvix; ; Report
And I look forward to having you read them friend!
by T.M. KNIGHT; ; Report