a painless yet breaking regression

art regression is tough 

i cant inherinently describe the feelings i went through, the shock of failure, the pain of acknowledgement, and the heartbreak of starting over.

i was doing so good, i was satisfied at my work at once, i felt like i was on the right direction of my path of progression,

but no, i regressed, again.

well i cant blame anyone else but myself,

i got tardy, lazy, and lackluster,

just doing anything else rather than learn and improve her work

passing it off as "good enough", rather than the exceptional masterpieces i dream of wanting to create.

the reason for my art was for my own self satisfaction, my own pleasure of creating something i was proud at, something i can say i made with skill

yet look at me, anything but

i hate the creations, they don't express my progress, making me wonder if there ever was progress? or am i just skilled at fooling myself?

its stupid, hah, i learned realism just to improve, yet i cant go back into a stylized style?

each time i create a semi-realistic portrait i turn up its realism that each muscle can be seen?

its like my progress halted, stopped,

i compare works from a year ago and i cant see wether i improved,

its all the same to me.

my loved art is torture

i guess that's just anything i love at this point.