vent

i got accepted into university, a university that i'm really happy with. it's great, and i'm proud of myself. but it's abroad. and my dad is pretty adamant on not letting me go. he's not really a guy you can reason with, either, so i'm stuck in that regard.

my mom is trying to help me, but not only is it a struggle for her financially, but there isn't a way we can proceed without my dad finding out and inevitably doing what he can to shut the whole thing down. i have siblings, too, so my parents divorcing over this isn't ideal, because my siblings have to go to uni, too. and they'll need my dad's money.

i want to leave because i'm so sick of living in a religious country in a religious family. i want to leave. but it's so hard. everyday, the window of time gets narrower and narrower. there's a deadline for a deposit for this university, and there isn't a way to pay it without my dad finding out. and there isn't a way to get a job in my country - it's not normal for eighteen-year-olds to work here.

i don't know. my life feels really, really shitty right now, and i don't know what to do. i'm so stressed all the time, i feel like i'm about to have a heart attack. i don't know what to do. i wish i was anyone else. i hope you're doing better than i am.