Strange pattern..

2 weeks. 2 weeks seems to be how long every new (mainly online) friendship/relationship lasts for me. i mean i'm not even rounding it, quite literally 2 weeks is the expiration dates for even the most meaningful online connections..

but like, how meaningful can online relationships really be to an extent?

I mean its either the time things get stale or the time that we eventually stop talking. I h8 it. 

its strange how making friends and them going just furthers how alone I feel. some days i wonder how people make things last so long. Maybe the doomsday of 2 weeks is for a reason. I dunno.  Maybe in some crazy sense fate or whatever has decided i'm no good and that set time is for people to get away before.... im not sure lol xp something bad. which is fair i suppose.. But the thing is i dont think im a bad person. I really hope i'm not. I try and compensate my odd feelings and personality with looks i reckon. Thats my psycho analysation of myself that i've come up with.

And maybe i'm being cynical or something but i guess comments about the most miniscule things about me dont help like,

''woah.. like if i was you. I probably would've killed myself by now.. not to be rude!"

"Yk something i've always found threating about you lol? U never break eye contact. like some sort of Lizard. Do u even blink or ???.. it's really creepy."

and probably more that I can't recall rn (0_0). It's not that they hurt my feelings much but it's only so long that u can have the 'ME VS THE WORLD' mentality before all self esteem just flatlines. 

Is there hope for resurrection of my POOR OLD shrunken heart ?

 DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN!.... 

(the last bit was entirely ironic, if i said that fr... thatd b pitiful)