notes app poem entry #2

At first it takes you by surprise, countless days wander into weeks still pondering the question. you become aware of it, yet it feels so familiar like the feeling of sun's warmth on a summer's day, hearing the sprinklers and sound of the crickets like when you were a child. somehow you have always been slightly aware of it. it haunts the back of your mind, it taunts you as you grasp for sanity like a breath of air as your being suffocated within your own thoughts and emotion, like that feeling when your crying so much you feel like your head is underwater as the tears are streaming down your face you are screaming inside for help - you feel like your drowning but no one can hear you. let alone help you. it all starts when you can't breathe, and you feel a pit at the back of your throat still holding back tears. and upon years and years the pain doesn't go away. will it be like this forever? do you just become numb to the pain, immune to the insanity..? I'm used to it.