Sometimes I think I’m an attention seeker

Ello space hey, 

I feel particularly down today. I’m sad a lot of the time but lately it’s been more unbearable. Today’s sad feelings were brought on upon the thought of me being an attention seeker. Now my main dilemma is that I’m worried that I am faking being trans and am just a trend follower. I have seen a spike in people detransitioning or saying it was “an awful stage of their life” but I don’t know. Also my mum keeps telling me that I’m a trend follower and that I’m defiantly not trans and that I’m just a tom girl. But I legit hurt inside when people call me a “she” and when I do dress feminine I feel a pit in my stomachs and I feel so wildly disgusted by myself. I mean for my 8th grade graduation I dressed super feminine and I just wanted to be dead. I’m thinking maybe I’m just not a feminine girl? My mum thinks that’s that is the case and tbh a lot of my trans friends are no longer trans and maybe it’s just becoming to hard for me to start caring about what people call me but I swear I die inside when someone called me a “lady”. Idk I’m probably just insane. I want long hair so like I guess I’m not really trans I’m probably defiantly a trend follower. This wouldn’t really be. Problem if I was dead though. Seems like I have one choice or at least one good one that will solve things. 

-Aslan (or not I might be faking this🪄)