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I honestly struggle a lot to post these little daily entries. It began as something small I would do to talk about my day but I fear that even with no one watching in particular, I worry that I am not writing well enough for people to like me. Perfectionism has always consumed my life. Whether it was grades or art, a part of me was constantly torturing me with how I just needed to be perfect at this thing or not do it at all. This "all or nothing" mentality is so tiring because in a way its stopped me from progressing in a natural way. When I was in middle school or high school I hated the fact that I was never good enough because I feared being cringe. From watching people online pick apart the kids who were learning to do a fun new thing to their audience of thousands, it killed a part of my spirit to learn anything new because if I wasn't amazing it meant that I wasn't cut out for what I was trying to learn. I obviously don't think that about anyone trying to learn a new thing, and when I do help people who are beginners at something, I never think the same of them as I do myself. It's just something that personally haunts me because I want to enjoy the journey of learning a new skill or trying to do a new thing without having to worry if I was good enough yet. I know the answer to a lot of people is to suck it up, I mostly have done so. I still write, I still draw, I still read, and, newest of my interests, I still play video games. I try my best to not let all of these thoughts of inferiority get to me just because some losers in their twenties made fun of kids. I constantly need to remind myself that it's silly to worry about not being perfect at something I just started. (07/19/2024). — Mars ᓚᘏᗢ |
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