three weeks away

i got back from guatemala a couple weeks ago, and have mostly been recovering and trying to get back into a routine, which is proving to be pretty difficult. i seem to have lost all of my motivation to read, write, and play bass, but am slowly gaining it back... forcing myself to, really!

guatemala was gorgeous but lonely. i was there for a spanish immersion program-- doing a homestay through a spanish school and learning what i could in 4 hours of one on one class every day. the first week was honestly awful & exhausting. i couldn't stop missing home & my girlfriend, the family was sweet but distant, my teacher was discouraging, and the trip was feeling a lot like a waste of time & money. it was a bit funny having a housemate who was a 72 year old student from montreal, too

thankfully, though, i was able to switch both families and teachers, and the next two weeks were a lot more lovely. my teacher was an absolute sweetheart and we grew really close & learned a lot from each other. i got to explore a bit & bought lots of gifts for friends, and even did a little weaving workshop. it was tiring, and a little lonely traveling alone with no one my age around, but still an interesting experience

it rained the whole three weeks, though, which felt symbolic of something-- couldn't tell you exactly what. my roof was metal, so i heard every little drop loud as can be, and when it really stormed, it was so loud i couldn't hear myself think. i often just sat on my bathroom floor to call friends. some mornings, i'd wake up to birds having rough landings on the roof and then hopping it off

it's odd, that even though i was having fun, i couldn't help but miss the familiar. i spent a lot of time crying, to be perfectly honest. it was hard having only my computer to stay creative and connected to the things i adore, and i spent a bit too much time laying in bed, watching narcos, and playing video games with my girlfriend over call. i kept getting sick, too-- i think from the stress and the altitude

pretty much as soon as i got back, i ate a veggie burger and had a strawberry shake, and i've been doing well since. i'm spending so much time with people i love, started a little discord club/community to encourage each other to stay creative, and am trying to write and read more again!

i just finished ghostroots by 'pemi aguda and black movie by danez smith, and now i'm reading frankenstein in baghdad by ahmed saadawi and enjoying it, too ! it feels nice to be trying to be creative again. i missed it. now i just have to start using journals!

i don't have much else to say, so i think i'll leave this here. i was hoping for a bit longer of a blog post, but this is what i've got, so this is what i'll give. i also started a mini collection of prose-ified moments from my life that i might post at some point, but we'll see!

i hope you're well