What it means to be Lonely

I've spent most of my life alone, i never had friends in nursery or primary or even now in high school. I'd like to say that enjoy my own company and that I actually prefer it but, i don't. Some days i dont even notice but the moments I do it's as if the world crumbles away. The realization that everyone else is laughing with their friends and holding hands and im not.

Most of the time i wonder why o have to be alone, i have no real proper diagnosis for why I am this way.. not that I glorify diagnosis like alot of people do but theres a comfort to understanding. I've just been left standing by everyone. And it doesn't even matter if they dress the same as me or also have the same hairstyle I still dont feel accepted. Maybe its where I live though.

I spend most days when im alone in a daze. Like a fog of boredom and upset. I h8 it. And it's not as if I don't talk to people sortve.. its just that nobody really initiates any sort of contsct with me.

It's as if everyones has had a private lesson on how to interact with people and somehow ive missed the memo. Kind've like when your in lesson and u dont know whats going on so you try and talk to the other kids and they all blank you. oddly specific...

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Sometimes you just have to initiate contact with others, which is pretty rough, but you could for example compliment someones hair or clothes, or just start rambling about more random stuff after for example a group project, like something you experienced. And not everyone's worth being friends with, you don't click with everyone. It takes time, and I know people who didn't find friends before uni.

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It'll be fine, is what I'm saying. It'll turn out alright.

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