going back to fasting

after my 24 hour fast, i decided to eat again, then went into another 24 hour fast, and then another. on the 3rd day, i decided to turn my simple syrup i made into a soda, and i took a sip to try it and had trouble holding it down, so i dropped it off at my friends. about 22 hours into my third fast i started to see things. lights, shadows, bugs and such. i decided to wait out the 2 more hours and eventually it went away. i was still feeling lightheaded though. finally after the 24 hours, i ate a cooked sweet potato from the tokyo central and a hawaiian sun, like i always get. i felt miserable after this. i was having a very hard time keeping down my food, even though i was extremely hungry. but i still kept quiet and ignored it, hoping it would go way

i then met up with murray and we decided to go to chowder barge together

i ordered a small cup or chowder and picked fries off his plate. by the time i finished the cup i felt like i needed to vomit but i couldnt. i told murray what id been feeling and he drove us home. we also saw too little stray cats! they looked about 7 months old. they were very silly

i wish i were a little cat living on a barge...

any who, ive stopped fasting like that since that day. i fear that ive put my body through starvation and now it will be holding onto fat more than it was. ive now gone back to intermittent fasting, but its hard for me to eat. most of my head says hey! you could just not eat! i have some leftovers i want to warm up, but it could be nice to save it for later so that can be all i eat today. idk. i just want to look skinny and cute like my friends. but i need to eat. it tastes good, but the guilt sucks. and its so easy for me to put it off like its homework.

it literally feels like homework