#1

trying to be the modelic daughter to my parents since i was a child doomed me. whenever i felt bad about anything as a kid they would say kids in other countries suffered more and that i was a spoiled privileged child. I do not deny that but they made me forever quiet.

i wish they knew i was groomed (didnt get to cosa but still) twice, that i was stalked online by a small period of time, mentally and physically abused by a ex best friend, that guys have said the worst things about me that scarred me to this day both as a bullied child and as an emotional wreck of a person i am now. i wish they knew how many tears i've shed for every scream or small comment i recieved from them

i know they love me deeply and i do too, but since early childhood i shutted down my emotions, i fear dissapointing them for telling them the things people has done to me. because they may think its my fault. and they might convince me it is actually my fault.