where is my future going?

too bright! my future is too bright!!

just kidding i don't know where i am going or where i am at, and i doubt i am not alone with this issue.

i cant help but compare myself to my peers, they look— so well-put together compared to me? like, they somewhat know what they're doing.

i on-the-other-hand feel like a toddler who stumbled into an office, i feel like a joke compared to others.

like, i have the leading position in my school's council yet i feel like i am much more irresponsible compared to those without a position?

sigh— idk anymore i keep ranting on about problems i know damn well i cant control,

i desperately work so hard to feel like im up to par with my peers, studying even when there's no exam or tests coming up— i mean school hasn't even started yet? 

also, what is this career i chose? chemical engineering? am i even that smart enough to do it. all my skill points went towards creativity and dexterity, not so much left for intelligence.

heck whats with me? whenever its something done for no reason other than entertaining— i can easily learn it? but when its something i need for a reason i cant work it to the goal? its like im chasing after a running goal post! 

i feel lacking when it comes to others, even though i know that's just simply illogical.

i keep putting myself into this imaginary audience where everyone is judging everything— every single thing i do; knowing they could not care otherwise!

i am just blabbering at this point, i don't get it i cant keep a single train of thought in track

how can i upkeep my struggling family in the future with this stupid mentality?