A state of constant neutral

It seems that I’m always in this state of constant neutral, not exactly sad but I couldn’t say I’m happy either. I’m grateful for the life I have and I get to wake up alive today but often times than not I tend to wish for something more. It’s usually as small as wanting a singular friend who truly gets me but I find it hard to find people like me. I get on with people and I’m friendly with them and I guess I would consider them “friends” in a way but I’m not close with them. We don’t have much in common in terms of interests but if everyone I talked to had to be exactly like me then I’d have nobody at all. But would it even matter? I’m constantly surrounded by people yet I’m still the one alone in the corner of the room. I always feel so lonely despite having “friends”. It’s been like that for the past few years. 

On normal days I’m constantly waiting for the day to come to an end only for it to restart again for another day and eventually it amounts to a week and a month and a year and later a decade. I’m swimming through the waves of life emotionless and constantly unsatisfied with all that I’ve been given. Sometimes I wonder how long I could go on with this before it all crumbles down.