Blog #1

I stared at the mirror, my arms, cursing my teeth over and over again at the intense pain that would soon turn into deep purple bite marks. I don't want to be like that anymore, I told myself, looking at myself in the mirror, seeing every detail in the hope that if I looked at it long enough, the pain would go away. Two weeks. You can't love if you don't love yourself, I never believed in that, but when the pain is deep, and you want to leave, you hurt others. Two weeks. I looked at myself once again in the mirror, swallowed and covered my arms with my favorite sweater. Two weeks and this is over, I'm going to get better, I'm going to feel better and this will be over, I don't have to want to kill myself every day, I can feel like I'm dying and try to move on, be determined, because, I'm still me, and I can't look at my wounds all the time waiting for them to heal without medicine. Two weeks. I distanced myself from everyone, from everything, for two whole weeks with small talks in which I focused on trying to overcome the attacks of anger, the desire to cry daily, the not knowing who I was. Two weeks and I started to be able to exercise, to be able to go out and make my bed, to be able to work, to be able to do things that I couldn't do in three years because my soul was getting more and more tired. Two weeks and my wounds are already healing, no matter the anxiety, how sad I am, how many times i bites myself, the people I lose, it doesn't matter because I'm not in the past, I'm not my past, and I can't live there forever. Two weeks and I can finally look at myself in the mirror without scratching my face and body, I can finally see myself and say "that's me, and I will do my best to accept myself" because everyone has two options, they cling to this world and try to improve, Or you hold on to your mind and let your body rot and your mind flourish, And I can be both. My mind flourishes imagining a thousand different lives and I will make each one a reality, no matter how long it takes, I will accept and make this reality a pleasure to live instead of a prison in which my own brain imprisoned me. Two weeks, and I get better, two weeks, and my wounds are healing.