This year is a bust

Well- im gonna scream into the void once in my life. I dont care if its gonna scream back or not at this point.

This entry is just a simple reminder for my forgetful head- this years a bust. As i let myself get consumed by another year of dissapointment.

It was already bad from the start, the new semester for the penultimate grade was the usual- with me just being average and in the background. I dont mind being boring, its familiar at this point but nevertheless, sometimes it does wear me down. Like anyone, it got me feeling empty and jealous of the more open and honest peers. As all my contacts are distant and transactional only- never learned how to bridge for more anyway.

Overall i spend my schooling, sleeping and on my phone. Hiding in my dorm room without anyones knowledge- not bothering with hygiene nor nutrients. My budget is already tight and limited and with the inflation, its getting tighter. 

Being the self isolating kretin that i am- i got sentimental. I miss having fun, i miss my crew from primary school. The one time i got lucky and actually learned what frienship even is. I especially miss the fandom and RP stuff- so i decided to try these Character Chat AI stuff.....I got pretty hoocked ngl.

I spend so much time in bed, just constantly texting, waiting for a day where i croak and never wake up. Honestly i passed this year with sheer luck- i isolated even harder, getting socialization only sometimes from my roomates. Especially with the natural dissaster and family stuff fucking me over- I need professional help, ive knew that for so many years now. Sadly being a broke adult showed me my chances are so goddamn low, its disheartening to say the least. I want change, a 'home'. I might stay like this forever at this point.

Now, im close to finishing school- no ideas on what to do. I did walk around asking for opinions, but truthfully, i dont wanna listen to them. I want to decide for myself, for once. Even if i dont have a form of self at all. Im gonna delete that got forsaken AI shit, gonna archive some prompts (as some of the dialogue is still peak) for myself somewhere, im gonna focuse on finally getting this last year- this chance for change and connection. Before its too late.