Calling all Lost Bois

Has anyone else ever felt like their “dream” ended up being a complete nightmare? I know I am not alone, but what happens when the dream that you have been chasing for years turns out to be the thing that breaks you? That is the question that I ended up encountering at the end of my third year of medical school… along with a million other questions, like “If I leave, how will I pay off my loans?”, “What will I do with my life?”, and my own personal favorite “My parents love me, they wouldn’t disown me… Right?” And while I did not have an answer to a single one of those very important questions, I couldn’t shake the overpowering feeling that I needed to get out, despite what might be waiting for me down the dark, debt-filled road. 

I ended up graduating from medical school, and stayed with the decision that I will not be using my degree to practice medicine, but a part of me still feels like I never made it out. Through the process of attempting to fit into a mold that I just couldn’t get myself to fit, I seem to have lost everything that made me who I am. Every hobby, every creative interest, and anything that made me different than my classmates. Now here I am at 27 years old trying to go back to where I was stunted to figure out who I am supposed to be. I basically feel like a child trapped in a body that has knee problems and bills… I have been fighting that child for years now, never letting her express herself, and it has only resulted in me losing out on opportunities and eating fewer dino nuggets. So now, instead of holding her back I am letting her take the reigns (dangerous… I know.) When I want to color I grab a book and color. When I want to dance around the house I pick up my dog and spin him around with me. When I want to dye my hair purple… I go to a responsible hair professional to get it done (I’m still kind of an adult I have to draw the line somewhere, and that line is bleaching my own hair over my sink and having it turn neon orange.) 

Basically all I know is that I know nothing, and I certainly don’t have a great grip on what my future holds, but I am trying to gain my footing again. For me, this will likely take the form of trying anything and everything (within reason... like I said, knee problems) until I feel a little more “me” again. So if anyone else feels similarly lost, or just has some fun ideas they think I should give a try, I’d love some friends to join on this journey and laugh along with me as I dive head first into things to try to wake myself up again. Time to see who we can become!