꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ just life things !!

 today was kind of boring, but that's okay !!

it was a lot of tiktok, and i'm probably going to watch either the mean girls or npmd musical again .

i joined a bunch of hatchetfield servers on discord, and this certain one seems really active and everyone is so nice !! (talking about that, i'm in a vc as they read out the abstinence camp script, and it's awesome !! everyone is doing great .)

i wrote out the mean girls 2024 movie as a transcript, cause well, i was bored ! 

and i think i might do it again for npmd, the transcript going around has a ton of mistakes and it sort of irritates me ? i think that's the right word to describe it, but either way, just a possibility ! i might do some other musical script though, i'm not sure .

lesbian stuff time !!

ARGHASGDAYD women are so hot !!!!!!!!

i keep on getting edits on tiktok, of every single one of my interests, and it's just women being hot ?? sarah drew as april kepner, ellen pompeo as meredith grey, jessica capshaw as arizona robbins, then renee rapp ?? all the mean girls edits ?? i think i'm going to combust !!

i just want a girlfriend ... i write down everything i should do in a notes app when i eventually date somebody ; fav colour, food, song, hobby, perfume (/signature scent), movie, etc !! even things we can do ; like match pjs, make bracelets that have eachother's initials, etc !! then things i can do ; leaving messages on the mirror in the morning for her, gift her paper stars and more diys, i think you get the point ...

i want to be caring, i love being caring so whenever i think of a new thing i write it down so i can look back at it later :)

also comphet is a little strong lately .. it's crazy, i will be laying down thinking "but what if i dated a man ? i could do all this stuff for a man ? i could love a man ?" but that last part is always a question because i have dated men, and it was never what i imagined . i could never say 'i love you' without hesitating and without it feeling wrong. i could never genuinely talk about anything romantic because it never felt that way, and i always found woman attractive even when i was talking to a man romantically (not that i didn't fine him attractive, i think everyone is attractive in their own way, but i wasn't attracted to him or any man) . but even now i remember that and i'm like "but i'll get over it, maybe it was just the wrong person !!" but girl, i dated a guy for a YEAR and a half, and i liked the caring things he did, but it was because i liked being cared for, not that it was specifically him . but i'm also scared to date women, because what if i just don't like women either ? but i know i do ! but at the same time it's just worrying because i haven't dated a women yet, so maybe i am just lying to everyone around me, but what if it's just a specific man i like, but it's not ! but what if it could be ?? AGHHHH .. !

... comphet !

anyway, women are hot and i just need to date one

tomorrow i might be watching inside out 2 in the cinema, i loved everything i've seen about it and the whole anxiety attack scene, it seems really well thought out but it might just be weird, but that's okay !! also that whole song people are putting in the scene on tiktok is kinda .. overwhelming ? like this morning i opened tiktok and i saw a scene of it and i had to swipe to the next video because it just felt so uncomfortable and idk why, i'm probably just sticking an emotion to a sound (which i've done before) .

i also might go to the pool more often, i've been reading books by it and hanging out with my cousins, plus there is a gym that i can always attend if i don't have anything else . though i usually bring fidget toys, loom bands to made bracelets, paper for paper stars and my notebook to draw or design pages in, so i'm never really bored for the hours i'm there !!

anyway, i can't really think of anything else exciting other than the fact i've been thinking about writing more and more often, so that's nice !!

thanks for reading ♡ .ᐟ