prey

when she got diagnosed, i hated god. but then-all i could do was pray.y'now? i spent every day groveling to the knees of someone so unmerciful. he became death to me, god. i realized that-y'know we don't hear ourselves sometimes because it's all in our head-so i realized that i went from asking god to heal her, to focus his talents on her, and to save her, to asking him to spare her, to be merciful, and to take someone else! those are things you ask the grim reaper, not a deity. i dunno, is he? but, yeah it was like, as she got worse i somehow got the two crossed there. one day,  a sunday, i was at the church. and it was pretty early, so no one was there. the sun hadn't even come up yet. and i was praying, crying, at the pew. and i saw his face, shrouded in black, looking down on me, passing his hand over me. his face was no longer white and soft. it was like there was no hope. in the end, in the end he took her.